Oct 10, 2003  |  By: JOE CREA  | COMMENTS     

John, 30, knew his crystal methamphetamine addiction was spiraling out of control when he was awakened in the middle of the night by five U.S. marshals surrounding his bed asking him if he had seen a dealer they were tracking. The dealer in question had spent time in John’s apartment but had recently moved out. What the marshals didn’t realize was that John’s two roommates were crystal addicts running an ID ring from his living room, where it was not unusual to find hundreds of fake IDs strewn across a coffee table.

“They were running credit card rings, creating false payroll checks … it was a complete scam and it was being done out of my apartment,” John said.

“I remember receiving a box of a special ink that was used to create fraudulent checks.”

John took in the addicts because he was facing eviction for not paying his rent. At that point, his abuse of crystal meth — also called Tina, “T” and speed — was unmanageable. What started off as a “maintenance drug,” used solely to “continue the party” at clubs and other venues morphed into an addiction, causing John’s boss to place him on probation at work: Get clean in three months or face termination.

John knew he couldn’t kick the addiction in three months so he resigned. He thought he would take a month off to clean up his act and return to work. But that month turned into more than two years of dealing crystal, which led to negative bank account balances and managing what became an abusive relationship with his now ex-boyfriend. At the height of his addiction, John recalled a week when he didn’t leave his apartment for seven consecutive days, not even to throw away his trash.

John, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, has been sober for more than 10 months and doesn’t miss anything about his addiction. He keeps a picture of himself in his wallet that was taken a week after he quit using crystal. He said that at the time, he was so thin that his size 27 jeans were falling off.

“I don’t miss anything about it,” John said. “All of the things that I did that I thought were fun or enjoyed were neither. The non-stop sex parties, lube all over my apartment, which was smelly and dirty, I was undernourished. Your body expels toxins through the pores and I had one of those boils on my body from all this shit.”

John took an unconventional approach to sobriety. He decided to do it alone. He regularly attends crystal meth anonymous meetings and has a sponsor, who has been clean from heroin for 19 years. One of the most difficult parts of his recovery has been admitting to others that he has cravings.

“I felt that it was a sign of weakness,” John said. “The honesty factor has been difficult — admitting that I need help. Calling up my sponsor when I need someone. Doing what people tell me I should be doing to stay clean. You know, you always think you know what’s best and it’s hard to cave in and take suggestions.”

John said the first few months of “getting clean” were the hardest, as it is all about accomplishing “basic tasks.”

“Like doing laundry you haven’t done in months and cleaning my apartment,” John said. “It took me several months to clean my apartment. Also, getting my sleep patterns back in order and eating well. Then you start working on the things you like to do.”

Experts say that sobriety is an extremely difficult challenge for the crystal user. The pain, isolation and fear associated with crystal pales in ...