Oct 03, 2003  |  By: JOE CREA  | COMMENTS     

Jackie knows her nephew is abusing crystal methamphetamine. After dating a drug addict for five years who eventually died from an overdose, she recognizes the same pattern of addictive and destructive behavior in her nephew: paranoia, deceit and depression.

She has discovered an empty bag with flecks of a white substance and a pipe in his possession. She describes her nephew as a 49-year-old gay man experiencing a “mid-life crisis.” He is HIV-positive and Jackie said she knew he was abusing drugs long before his diagnosis and remains convinced that his abuse of crystal meth — also called tina, “T” and speed — contributed to his contracting HIV.

“I know what he’s doing, and he’s exhibiting all the classic symptoms,” said Jackie, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “He’ll just stare out the door for over an hour. He’s admitted to me that he has tried [crystal] but won’t admit to it now. He’s twitching all the time, sloppy in his appearance and manner, talks about sores up his nose, wears sunglasses all the time, has a high-and-mighty attitude. I’m just so angry. Angry, angry, angry and I just want to cuss and I’m not one to cuss.”

Jackie said that she has tried to talk to her nephew about the problem but he refuses. She said that he’s been using drugs for three and half years and that it’s getting worse. She also works with him and admits that she enables his habit in a professional setting.

“I feel like I’m being played for a fool,” Jackie said.

Frustrated friends and family members of crystal abusers say they frequently feel sidelined during the destructive stages of the addiction, mere observers as their loved ones’ lives spiral out of control. They are brought into the vicious cycle on the addict’s terms, typically when the addict needs money for drugs, and then cast aside. Helpless, they don’t know where to turn and often turn their backs on the addict in the interest of self-preservation.

“The smartest, funniest guy I know has spiraled out of control on this drug,” said Rob, who asked that his real name not be used. “This guy was the most talented lawyer I’ve ever come into contact with — respected by colleagues and those he came up against. But, bit by bit, his life has fallen apart. And even though the reason is crystal clear — no pun intended — he won’t even admit to using drugs, much less Tina.

“Now he’s lost his job, he is HIV positive and not treating the disease properly, and this brilliant guy will go on at length instead about non-existent medical problems that even he realizes sound insane,” Rob said. “And yet he is focused on curing those problems, and not the drugs that have caused his hallucinations.”

Randy Pumphrey, executive director of the Lambda Center in D.C., said that the treatment facility receives calls from family members who suspect that their loved ones are abusing crystal and want to know what to do.

The “what to do” is a very difficult question for many family members and friends to answer. Pumphrey said that when he receives calls from an addict’s loved ones, he asks if the abuser has identified that he or she has a problem.

“Then it is easier,” Pumphrey said. “I say, ‘Can you have them call me?’”

The Lambda Center, which provides in-patient and out-patient treatment for crystal abusers, doesn’t offer any official programs for friends and family members of crystal addicts but for those clients in treatment, the center will conduct “family treatments” for that patient’s loved ones.

Joseph LaFleur, a licensed independent clinical social worker in the D.C. area, stresses to family and friends the importance of dialogue and of not being judgmental. He added that a loved one can do little to ...