Dec 12, 2003  |  By: Brian Moylan  | COMMENTS     

FOR MONTHS, WHEN speaking of Paris Hilton I had to explain who she was to anyone not addicted to celebrity magazines and gossip rags. Now, practically everyone knows this feisty, table-dancing heiress to the Hilton hotel fortune.

Relatively speaking, Paris, 22, and her younger sister Nicky, 20, have been fixtures on the New York and Los Angeles party scenes for years. And when they make the scene, they make a scene. Their flirty, fashionista antics and catfights with other B-listers are the latest giggly stuff that makes celebrity-watching fun.

Paris and, to a lesser extent, Nicky are famous because they’re young, rich and pretty, not because of more pedestrian reasons like talent or their commitment to a good cause. As a result, many of us think we could make a better Paris Hilton than even she does.

We envy her for obvious reasons. Who wouldn’t want to have tons of money and unlimited amounts of free time? If we did, wouldn’t we be somewhat more discreet, dress a lot better, and display a bit less attitude than the original?

In a matter of months, Paris Hilton has become the ultimate celebrity. Like Jackie Kennedy Onassis back in her day, we are impressed and patiently waiting to see where the younger woman’s true talent lies.

Unlike Julia Roberts, Madonna, Cher, or any number of celebrities we lap up news about, Paris has yet to impress us in any meaningful way. She, however, was born with a trust fund larger than the gross national product of some small European countries, and generally is estimated to be worth about $30 million.

For reality TV viewers and those obsessed with the lives of the rich and famous, that’s enough.

HILTON’S FORAY INTO reality TV land began on Dec. 2 with the premiere of Fox’s “The Simple Life.” The show highlights the life and times of Hilton and her best friend Nicole Richie on a farm in rural Arkansas.

The result is hysterical and apparently a hit because it lured 13 million viewers to tune in last week, according to news reports.

On “The Simple Life,” Hilton and Richie behave like gay club kids gone amok, with their edgy attitudes, focus on fashion, and their prior flirtations with drugs and sex. These ladies lead lives of leisure in which their actions seem to have no devastating consequences.

On the show’s second episode, the young celebrities are supposed to help a dairy farmer fill jugs with milk he has squeezed from his cows before a truck takes it to the market. Not being able to fill the containers fast enough, Hilton and Richie mix water with milk, spill the substance all over the ground and, eventually, spray it at each other through a hose. It makes for some insane television.

In a month, they’ll return to Beverly Hills and forget how their pranks might have ruined a dairy farmer’s business. But it’s all in fun.

“The Simple Life” was filmed before Hilton’s infamous sex tape was released on the Internet. Weeks before the show’s premiere, a three-minute reel of her at age 19 having sex with 30-year-old Rick Salomon was vigorously traded online and became the subject of a media blitzkrieg.

In an interview with USA Today earlier this month, Hilton, who attended the after party for her show last week with her father, said she was “devastated” by the release of the tape and that she has been keeping a low profile since then.

“I don’t want to party,” she said. “This has really made me think about changes I want to make.”

Fans addicted to celebrity antics are patiently waiting to witness her next transformation. Of course, Hilton won’t be as interesting if she really straightens up her act.