Dec 26, 2003  |  By: BRYAN ANDERTON  | COMMENTS     

COLUMBIA, Md. — It is often said that the key to making any relationship work is good communication. An interfaith group is hoping to put that concept to the test in early January, by focusing on what gay and straight couples have in common during a retreat in suburban Maryland.

This “Day of Couple Unity” will bring together about eight gay couples and eight straight couples to discuss ways to strengthen committed relationships, the lead organizer said. The gathering takes place Jan. 10 at the Meeting House in Columbia, Md.

The event is the brainchild of Pamela El-Dinary of Clarksville, Md., who has been married for 13 years. She previously worked with a group that promotes unity between married couples, and said she felt that concept could be expanded beyond just married couples — and beyond heterosexuals.

“I see a lot of support, at least in the media, for gay rights and legalizing gay and lesbian unions, but what about the quality of that union and support for sustaining that union?” says El-Dinary, who attends Channing Memorial Unitarian Universalist Church in Ellicott City, Md.

“The people I have talked to about it have conferred that, to their point of view, there isn’t a lot of support there for being a couple and making that commitment work … I know it applies to married couples, in my own experience, so I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t apply in any coupled relationship.”

Rev. David Flaherty, an openly gay priest from the Saint Sebastian United Reform Catholic Church in Baltimore, will moderate the event. It will open with all the couples introducing themselves and voluntarily sharing information about their lives and relationship.

Couples will later gather in smaller groups for question-and-answer sessions and the chance to reflect. The day will end with a potluck dinner.

Flaherty says he hopes the event will allow couples to talk to each other about what works in their relationship, and what doesn’t, and to share ideas.

“It’s a communication process, really,” Flaherty says. “I think it gives couples a new avenue for communication.”

Politicizing the personal?
In addition to men and women learning more about their partners and their relationships, it’s a chance for gay and straight couples to learn more about each other as well.

“I think the most important thing [gay couples] are going to learn is that they’re supported, that there are some straight couples out there that do want to see them in happy relationships,” Flaherty says. “I’m just so heartened that there are heterosexual couples coming forth and saying, ‘We want to help gay and lesbian couples.’ I think that’s wonderful.”

Rev. trong>David Flaherty, a gay priest and the event’s moderator, says gay and straight couples can learn a lot from each other at the event.

El-Dinary says the intent is not to get bogged down in the politics involved with being a gay couple, but to show that couples are similar, regardless of sexual orientation, and that partners can always learn more about each other.

“One thing I was really clear on was I didn’t want this to be a discussion about what is it to be gay versus married,” she says. “It’s more about talking about being a couple, and the joys of that.”

But, at the same time, she says she also realizes that some of those gay-versus-straight issues will most likely pop up. With recent legal battles for equal marriage rights for gay couples being fought in Massachusetts, Arizona, New Jersey and Canada, the legal differences between married straight couples and unwed gay couples are drawing increased attention from the national media.

Flaherty says the event should underscore the fact that couples of all types are essentially the same when it comes to matters of the heart.

“I am so encouraged by Pam and the other couples coming forward to support this. I think it speaks more for gay and lesbian couples than any poll that is out there,” Flaherty says. “I think straight and gay people who are in couples understand love, and I’m just so encouraged that they’re supporting this.”

At the end of the day, though, it will all come down to partners and ...