Crystal
methamphetamine
helped
Jack,
a
36-year-old
D.C.
man
who
asked
to
remain
anonymous,
cope
with
his
HIV-positive
status.
The
drug
was
a
pure
escape
from
reality.
It
increased
a
level
of
selfishness
that
he
had
never
known
and
left
him
a
man
with
a
“huge
ego
and
no-self
confidence.”
His
personality,
once
under
control,
was
no
longer,
thanks
to
what
he
refers
to
as
the
“devil’s
drug.”
On
Sept.
11,
2001,
he
remained
holed
up
in
a
Boston
hotel
room
with
crystal
meth,
a
“club
drug”
also
known
by
nicknames
like
Tina,
T,
crank
and
speed.
He
smoked
all
day,
paranoid
that
the
police
would
soon
break
down
his
door.
Jack
didn’t
stop
thinking
of
himself
until
he
read
in
the
Wall
Street
Journal
a
few
days
later
that
a
Brooks
Brothers
clothing
store
near
his
old
office
on
Wall
Street
had
been
turned
into
a
morgue
for
victims
of
the
9/11
terrorist
attacks.
Jack,
who
describes
himself
as
a
“space
cadet”
who
frequently
forgets
and
loses
things,
patronized
the
store.
The
news
about
the
clothing
store
saddened
him,
and
he
vowed
to
clean
up
his
act.
He
tried
to
sober
up
after
Sept.
11,
but
soon
relapsed.
He
lost
his
job,
his
home
and
was
$50,000
in
debt.
Destitute,
he
received
some
financial
help
from
an
acquaintance
and
checked
himself
in
to
Cumberland
Heights,
an
in-patient
rehab
center
in
Tennessee.
When
he
first
met
with
one
of
the
counselors
at
the
recovery
center,
the
most
difficult
question
he
had
to
answer
was,
“What
is
your
address?”
“I
had
lost
my
apartment
two
weeks
ago,
and
I
was
homeless
without
a
job,”
Jack
said.
“It
was
terribly
humbling
and
humiliating.”
Jack
had
gone
from
working
as
a
Wall
Street
executive
to
pouring
coffee
at
Starbucks
in
three
years
—
all
because
of
his
crystal
meth
addiction.
“Crystal
wants
to
get
us
alone
where
it
does
the
most
damage,”
Jack
said.
“It
robbed
my
soul
of
what
I
thought
was
so
important.
It’s
the
devil’s
drug.”
Alex,
a
25
year-old
gay
man
who
also
asked
to
remain
anonymous,
said
he
views
his
addiction
to
crystal
as
a
“choice,”
but
he
began
using
abusively
because
“everyone
around
me
was
doing
it,
and
I
wanted
to
feel
that
I
belonged.”
It
was
never
a
physical
craving,
he
said,
but
more
like
a
social
obligation.
“I
honestly
believe
that
I
did
[crystal]
because
everyone
around
me
was
doing
it,”
Alex
said.
“If
everyone
else
was
doing
it,
why
shouldn’t
I?
People
would
look
at
me
differently
if
I
wasn’t
going
to
do
crystal.”
Alex
said
he
had
never
experimented
with
any
drugs
other
than
marijuana
and
ecstasy
before
he
began
using
crystal
meth
two
years
ago.
He
said
that
early
on
he
would
use
nine
dosages,
or
“blows,”
out
of
a
quarter
bag
in
one
evening,
but
that
eventually
he
would
take
double
that,
or
a
half-bag,
over
one
extended
period
of
use.
“I
also
did
it
for
the
fun
of
it,”
Alex
said.
“The
music
in
clubs
became
more
intense,
it
made
me
all
horny.
It
gave
me
this
high
that
I
didn’t
have
to
think
about
anything
else.”
But
when
he
went
sober,
Alex
lost
all
of
his
“friends,”
because
they
continued
to
use
crystal.
He
tried
to
hang
out
with
his
old
acquaintances,
but
said
no
one
wanted
to
hang
out
with
the
“sober
kid.”
“There
was
a
core
group
that
I
was
kind
of
close
to,
and
they
would
say,
‘Oh,
we
are
here
for
you,’
but
in
reality,
they
were
placating
me,”
Alex
said.
“They
were
happy
for
me,
but
they
were
still
getting
fucked
up.
So,
with
me
being
sober,
and
everyone
else
remaining
fucked
up
around
me,
I
recognized
the
situation
and
wanted
to
get
out.”
At
the
height
of
his
addiction,
Clinton,
a
31-year-old
gay
man,
was
extraordinarily
paranoid.
He
was
taking
crystal
at
work
to
“keep
himself
going,”
thinking
that
if
he
could
get
through
the
workday,
he
would
be
able
to
get
home
and
sleep
for
15
hours.
One
evening,
after
going
without
sleep
for
days,
his
paranoia
intensified
after
he
returned
home
from
work.
He
was
convinced
for
eight
straight
hours
that
the
police
were
going
to
raid
his
home.
He
ran
around
his
house
and
flushed
all
his
drugs
down
the
toilet.
When
he
realized
that
that
the
police
weren’t
coming,
he
decided
that
lesbians
in
the
neighborhood
were
playing
a
“huge
joke”
on
him.
With
his
mental
capacity
severely
impaired,
he
began
to
pace
his
house,
stare
out
of
his
windows
and
run
outside
to
“try
to
catch
them.”
During
this
time,
sex
for
Clinton,
in
all
its
raw,
uninhibited
glory,
became
routine
and
comfortable.
Clinton
would
meet
men
online,
at
clubs
and
at
a
local
sex
club.
He
describes
the
sex
as
“never
safe”
but
“by
the
grace
of
God,”
he
remained
HIV-negative.
“I
should
be
positive,”
Clinton
said.
“As
far
as
I’m
concerned,
I
won
the
lottery.
I’d
say
that
roughly
60
percent
of
the
individuals
who
I
know
[from
crystal
meth
anonymous
meetings]
are
positive.”
There
is
very
little
statistical
data
to
show
that
crystal
affects
gays
disproportionately.
But
many
treatment
specialists
and
former
users
have
their
own
theories
about
why
so
many
gay
men
fall
victim
to
Tina’s
addiction.
Marc
Cohen,
president
of
the
United
Foundation
for
AIDS
and
head
of
the
Crystal
Meth
Community
Educational
Forum
in
South
Florida,
said
he
believes
that
gays
are
disproportionately
affected
by
crystal
because
it
reduces
inhibitions,
provides
the
“biggest
bang
for
the
buck,”
heightens
levels
of
arousal
and
provides
a
sense
of
connection.
“It’s
the
stigma
amongst
gay
men
themselves
that
drives
people
to
the
...
