I
WAS
LOOKING
at
a
cooking
demo
on
a
morning
news
show
the
other
day,
marveling
at
how
easy
fixing
a
meal
looks
on
such
shows.
We
forget
that
everything
is
measured
out
and
set
up
ahead
of
time
for
them:
tiny
bowls
of
herbs
and
spices
to
throw
in
sequence,
precut
meats,
pre-chopped
onions,
pre-measured
liquids.
When
the
cooks
say,
“See
how
simple
this
is,”
they
don’t
mention
the
prep
time
involved
in
measuring
and
cutting
all
the
stuff,
not
to
mention
having
all
the
ingredients
conveniently
on
hand.
It’s
a
silly
trick
that
appeals
to
our
obsession
with
cooking
and
eating
quickly;
we
see
only
the
performance
and
not
the
rehearsals.
What
takes
a
TV
cook
five
minutes
to
prepare
on
camera
may
take
20
just
to
assemble.
I
understand
that
not
everyone
finds
cooking
a
pleasure,
but
misrepresenting
the
time
it
takes
won’t
ultimately
inspire
us.
It’s
not
that
cooking
has
to
be
terribly
complex
or
time-consuming
but,
realistically,
some
effort
is
required.
Sure,
you
can
do
a
meal
from
scratch
in
less
than
20
minutes,
but
only
if
you
scratch
the
frost
off
the
frozen
entree.
Even
sillier
is
that
all
the
utensils
on
these
shows
are
shiny
and
new.
You
need
decent
tools
like
with
any
craft,
but
I
don’t
know
any
serious
cooks
who
have
perfectly
shiny
new-looking
everything.
My
20-year-old
pots
and
pans
are
well
seasoned
and
my
carbon
steel
knives
are
quite
stained,
but
they
all
work
just
fine.
But
TV
is
as
much
about
image
as
reality.
Wouldn’t
it
be
refreshing
once
to
see
a
cook
make
blackened
fish
in
a
blackened
pan?
COOKING’S
EVEN
LESS
realistic
on
food
channel
cooking
shows,
where
all
the
kitchen
equipment
is
state
of
the
art:
expensive
stoves
with
ovens
like
Laundromat
dryers,
built-in
deep
fryers
and
grills,
pop-up
bun
warmers,
huge
counter
spaces,
top-of-the-line
processors.
What
about
us
urban
folk
with
tiny
kitchens
or
us
poor
folk
with
limited
budgets?
How
do
we
manage?
No
matter
what
your
equipment,
real
cooking
is
physical.
It
involves
sharp
objects,
hot
surfaces.
When
I
worked
as
a
professional
cook,
I
used
to
regularly
burn
my
arms
and
hands,
and
once
I
dropped
a
paring
knife
straight
up
into
my
instep.
Ever
see
this
on
TV?
Cooking’s
messy,
too.
You
never
see
any
cooks
on
TV
having
to
clean
up
after
themselves.
Like
TV
chefs,
I’ve
tried
leaving
a
mess
in
the
sink,
but
it’s
always
there
the
next
morning.
What
you
also
don’t
see
yet
are
gay
cooks.
My
limited
experience
is
that
most
professional
kitchens,
at
least
in
less
urban
areas,
are
straight
and
male.
Like
the
military,
cooks
have
to
work
as
a
team,
and
part
of
that
teamwork
is
patter
about
women
and
sex
and
sports.
Not
being
able
to
contribute
to
this
bonding
is
a
disadvantage.
Maybe
it’s
time
for
“Queer
Eggs
for
the
Straight
Pie.”
For
once
I
would
like
to
see
real
reality
cooking.
What
does
the
cook
do
when
he
drops
a
critical
ingredient
on
the
floor,
or
heats
the
oil
to
the
smoking
point
and
sets
off
the
smoke
alarm,
or
almost
burns
his
hand
on
a
pot
handle?
With
the
demise
of
edited,
live
TV,
we’ll
probably
never
know.
We
had
an
early
glimpse
with
the
original
Julia
Child
shows.
They
were
almost
camp
in
their
honest
pretensions.
Eventually,
she,
too,
cleaned
up
her
TV
image.
Too
bad.
Here’s
my
idea
for
a
reality
cooking
show:
A
cook
actually
cooks
a
complex
dish
from
beginning
to
end
in
real
time.
The
camera
shows
all
of
the
decisions,
the
choices,
the
mistakes.
If
there
isn’t
enough
time
in
30
minutes
to
show
the
finished
dish,
it’s
continued
on
the
next
show
until
we
see
the
dish
taken
to
its
completion
and
served
to
family
or
guests.
Maybe
it
wouldn’t
be
popular.
Perhaps
we
don’t
have
the
patience.
Maybe
it
would
require
a
really
dynamic
personality
—
a
gay
personality
—
to
pull
this
off
and
make
the
boring
task
of
real
food
prep
good
TV.
Ah,
the
sexiness
of
skinning
a
chicken.
The
Zen
of
measuring.
The
campiness
of
pink
fusilli.
I
think
there’s
an
audience
for
a
show
like
this.
But
then
I
like
to
actually
cook,
not
watch
a
Reader’s
Digest
version
of
it.
When
I
stand
behind
someone
at
the
supermarket
whose
basket
is
piled
with
TV
dinners,
I’m
reminded
of
the
real
reality
cooking
in
America.
And
it’s
really
boring.
