Jul 16, 2004  |  By: JOE CREA  | COMMENTS     

Gay men choosing to abstain from sex until they are in a lifelong, committed relationship are unlikely to find reassuring messages in most abstinence-only education curricula, experts claim.

William Smith, director of public policy for the Sexuality Information & Education Council of the United States, said his group has reviewed all of the major abstinence-based curricula and found that the only message sent to gay youth “is that they are transmitters to disease.”

“The only time these programs refer to young gay people is when they are discussing HIV rates,” Smith said. “The whole point of the education is to get people into marital relationships, even the secular-based ones.

“If you look closely, you will find all sorts of subtle messages — the lack of any information about gays and lesbians, subtle messages about how women are supposed to be subservient to men.”

Lisa Rue, president and CEO of Friends First, an organization that promotes abstinence, disagreed, and said her company’s educational materials, which are secular, speak to both gay and straight youth.

“Our message is abstinence until marriage, regardless of whether or not there is a debate on the issue of [gay] marriage at the state and federal level,” Rue said. “Gays get married and have ceremonies all the time.

“What we promote is that the best sex one can have is found in a committed marital relationship. We present the facts to teenagers and say that the best health choice for you, regardless of your sexual identity, is abstinence.”

Prominent health officials like David Satcher, a former surgeon general under the Clinton administration, and Dr. Joseph McIlhaney, founder and chair of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, are both strong supporters of abstinence and urge all individuals, gay or straight, to abstain from sex until they enter “into a mutually monogamous, faithful, lifelong relationship.”

But the problem with abstinence messages, many officials assert, is that they often urge teenagers to “wait until marriage” before having sex, thus ignoring gay youth who cannot legally wed, except in the state of Massachusetts. The message begs the question: What should gays wait for?

Justin Lee, 26, who heads the Gay Christian Network, said he has worked with a number of young gay and lesbian Christians who desire to remain sexually abstinent “up until some point.”

“Civil marriage is not an option for us in most of the U.S. so some say they want to abstain from sex until they are in a committed or lifelong relationship,” Lee said.

Local group targets youth
Locally, the Northern Virginia AIDS Ministry is one of the only organizations with a program specifically targeting gay youth and addressing the question of
sexual abstinence.

The group’s Orion program deals with the sexual health of gay youths.

“One of our main themes is postponing sex until self-esteem issues are in place,” said Nathan Monell, the group’s executive director. “For all of us who came out, one of the challenges is rectifying the absence of good role models for gays. No one is training you how to date as a gay person. We try to create a safe place for that to happen.”

Bill Briggs, the Orion program manager, said that since gays cannot get married outside of Massachusetts, the Orion message recommends that gays who wish to abstain from sex do so until they are in a committed relationship.

“A lot of time these youth don’t know many gay people,” Briggs said. “Part of the program is getting them involved with friends as opposed to sex. We say, ‘You don’t have to feel pressure to sleep with this person. You can date or just be friends.’”

Briggs said that outside of the Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League there are not many programs in the D.C. area for gay youth to get to know one another in a safe setting. He added that federal agencies are unlikely to fund a gay youth program because health officials often bow to the pressures from social conservatives who assert gay youth programs are more about “recruitment” than health of gay youth.

Smith said his group only opposes abstinent-based education that uses “fear and shame” as motivators for behavior. He favorably cites programs and curriculum like Smart Moves by the Boys & Girls Clubs of America that help teenagers identify and resist peer pressure while encouraging social awareness.

He also recommended the curriculum, “Choosing Health — High School: Abstinence,” which encourages sexual abstinence as a positive choice and emphasizes that abstinence eliminates the risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancies.

Gay-inclusive approaches
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