It’s
a
sentiment
not
expected
from
a
sex
columnist
but
Dan
Savage
is
hesitant
about
the
whole
gay
marriage
thing.
Before
you
send
any
e-mails
filled
with
moral
outrage,
let’s
get
the
obvious
out
of
the
way:
Savage
supports
same-sex
marriage.
His
new
book
“The
Commitment,”
which
chronicles
his
and
his
partner
Terry’s
struggles
with
and
decisions
about
the
institution,
makes
that
crystal
clear.
“We
believe
gay
marriage
should
be
legal,
not
mandatory,”
Savage
writes.
Yet
neither
men
are
willing
participants,
arguing
with
enduring
love
about
their
wedding
day
outfits
and
choice
of
poem
that
will
close
the
ceremony.
“While
we
would
like
to
have
the
legal
benefits
of
marriage,
we
weren’t
planning
on
flouncing
down
the
aisle
with
matching
tuxes
anytime
soon,”
Savage
writes.
“The
Commitment”
does
cover
how
they,
with
their
families,
have
stepped
into
a
brave
new
world
no
one
really
imagined.
SAVAGE,
THE
EDITOR
of
the
Seattle
alt-weekly
The
Stranger,
sat
down
to
write
a
book
about
his
family
history,
but,
after
the
2004
election,
found
himself
switching
topics.
“People
tried
to
pin
Kerry’s
loss
on
us,”
Savage
tells
the
Blade.
“I
sort
of
refocused
the
book
and
squarely
met
and
dealt
with
what
[Terry
and
I]
are
going
to
do.”
Marriage
wasn’t
something
Savage
considered
as
an
option
when
he
came
out,
he
says.
The
world
was
a
different
place
and
there
were
certain
assumptions
he
made
about
what
would
be
available
to
him
as
a
gay
man.
“You
were
leaving
a
lot
at
the
side
of
the
road
so
you
could
kiss
boys,”
he
says.
“Suddenly
all
of
those
things
in
the
last
10
years
have
become
open
to
us
and
available
to
us.”
Savage
sees
his
new
book
and
1999’s
“The
Kid,”
about
his
and
Terry’s
adoption
of
their
son,
D.J.,
as
a
chronicle
of
the
possibilities
that
now
are
part
of
the
gay
world.
“I
wanted
to
document
what
it
felt
like
to
be
part
of
that
generation
where
everything
we
thought
we
sacrificed
to
be
gay
was
suddenly
available
to
us,”
he
says.
“We
hadn’t
left
it
at
the
side
of
the
road.”
Savage
also
thinks
his
uneasiness
about
marriage
is
because
wedding
traditions
are
for
straights
—
or,
better
yet,
straight
women.
“It’s
like
an
ill-fitting
garment,”
Savage
says.
“You
don’t
know
how
to
totter
around
in
it.
We
haven’t
had
this
option
in
front
of
us
for
long
enough
and
heterosexual
wedding
traditions
feel
awkward
because
we
are
not
heterosexuals.”
Just
like
every
other
religious,
ethnic
and
cultural
group
who
has
its
own
ceremonies
surrounding
marriage,
Savage
believes
it
will
take
time
for
gays
and
lesbians
to
have
rituals
that
feel
right.
“We
have
to
rethink
marriage
and
how
it
looks
and
how
it
is
performed
and
what
the
ritual
is,”
Savage
says.
AS
“THE
COMMITMENT”
illustrates,
whatever
reservations
about
marriage
Savage
may
have,
it
was
his
son
who
eventually
made
the
case.
At
first
D.J.
is
opposed
to
the
idea,
but
Savage
recounts
an
early
morning
conversation
where
his
son
is
asking
questions
about
marriage,
divorce
and
love.
Savage
explains
that
marriage
is
a
promise
to
stay
in
love
and
together.
It’s
that
definition
of
marriage
that
brings
him
around
and
why
D.J.
wants
his
two
daddies
to
do
the
thing
Savage
could
not
fathom
as
a
younger
gay
man.
“A
big
part
of
it
was
our
son,”
he
says.
“Suddenly
it
meant
something
to
him
for
his
family
to
reaffirm
and
strengthen
the
bond
that
is
holding
it
together.”
Savage
pauses
for
a
moment,
smiles
and
rolls
his
eyes.
Even
as
a
married
man
(they
went
to
Canada)
he
still
finds
it
all
a
bit
silly.
