Oct 21, 2005  | COMMENTS     

We can tell you’re balding even with that stupid brushdown haircut.

Hey, trashy meth queens at Starbucks at 6:30 in the morning with porn DVDs in your hands talking vulgar about your previous night partying: You are an embarrassment.

What is so great about grown-ass men who idolize music made for teenagers? I know many of us are stunted because we didn’t get to do a lot of that other stuff kids did, but, damn, that shit is so juvenile.

I don’t mind effeminate guys. I do mind a culture that emulates bitchy, undereducated women. All this “gurl” and “you got that right” makes me wanna puke.

Hold hands with your man. If we show we’re afraid, then that just means assaulting gay men works.

Does “gay professional” mean anything other than “not on food stamps”?

I hate to burst your bubble but hooking up with guys in the gym sauna every other day does count as sex and is technically cheating on your boyfriend.

If you had devoted half as much time to your career and self-development as you did to the “scene,” you might have been something.

What’s up with bisexual bottoms? If you’ve been coming into a gay chatroom for more than two years, the new rule is you can’t call yourself bisexual.

To the guy who bitched about us Geminis: You must not be a Libra, Aries, Taurus, Pisces, Aquarius or Virgo. They all like us.
Bitch Boy responds: What is the sign for “needs a life”?

Just because you wear one, turn your ballcap backwards, and lift weights five times a week, guess what? You’re still not a jock.

Detroit has the dullest gay scene in the U.S. What little is going on is in the worst parts of the city and straight couples are all over it in the suburbs. Boring!

Just because some gay couples “look exactly like each other” doesn’t mean homosexuality is a form of narcissism. It’s actually because opposites attract.

It’s not narcissistic unless you fantasize about masturbating while you are making out with your partner.

What’s with these 20-something girls in our gayborhoods? They march down our sidewalks three abreast, a phalanx in flip-flops and ponytails, and expect everyone to get out of their way. When others approach, it should be single file, please!

I’ve loved feet since I was in the third grade. Nowadays everybody is either wearing flip-flops or gawking at guys who are. But they don’t even seem to know why. It’s the feet, people! And I was here first.

Regarding the bitch about leaving your ex alone: It’s not so easy if you were really in love. Not all of us can just turn that off and give up the love of your life without a fight.
Bitch Boy responds: Cue the “Psycho” music…

To the guy who called me a “cat-eating Asian twink”: Thanks for proving I can do better.

Since when is being fat in a Speedo about being yourself rather than just a distasteful choice? Speedos are meant to show off your best assets, not accentuate your worst.

OK, so you’re content being your super-extra-large self. Luv ya for it. Kiss kiss from your community. But if fat is so fabulous, then why do so many men with Hindenburg waistlines chase after buff guys?

Losing weight and keeping it off isn’t easy. Only gym fanatics manage to keep it off consistently. We don’t all have the stamina or financial resources to hire personal trainers.

Gay marriage will remove many hot men from circulation and make it even harder for me to steal them. I’ll have to play the mistress, and he may never leave the bitch because of what he stands to lose through divorce.

Gays will get the last laugh on homophobic Christian terrorist Eric Rudolph if he isn’t set apart from the prison population. His good looks will have him perpetually fighting off unwanted attention.

Why do some consider it racist to have “All-American” in my online profile? I think anyone of any race can be nice, honest, wholesome and have a positive attitude.

Why worry if other couples handle their finances jointly or separately? Most couples I know who keep their money separate aren’t afraid to pay more of their share.

Let’s see, you’re vapid and shallow, you broke my heart, and you make three times as much money as I do. So don’t complain when you have to buy me ...