Nov 25, 2005  |  By: MATTHEW FORKE  | COMMENTS     

THINK “SINGIN’ IN the Rain” looks a little peculiar sitting on the shelf next to “Slutty Summer”?  No need to feel embarrassed, we all have that secret stash of DVDs we’d never admit to owning. In a tribute to those naughty and campy films we reluctantly love, here are a few new DVDs you might want to add to your sock drawer. 

The Hole: Watch the videotape, and moments later an anonymous caller delivers the warning, “In seven days, you will be gay.” Those are chilling words heard by a throng of muscle-bound (and supposedly straight) men, several with eyebrows that defy the laws of nature, in this soft-core parody of “The Ring.”  But rather than run screaming into the night, our brawny protagonists soon feel compelled to watch videos of Judy Garland at Carnegie Hall, gaze deeply into each others’ eyes and disrobe. For those looking to go all the way, there’s an award-winning hardcore version as well. (2005, TLA Releasing, $19.99)

Slutty Summer: “I don’t know what I want...  I feel very liberated, like suddenly I can do anything.  I can take my life anywhere.”  No, that is not the great Jill Clayburgh in “An Unmarried Woman,” though it would appear Swedish-born writer, director and star of “Summer” Casper Andreas aspires to become the low-budget gay equivalent.

Betrayed by his long-term partner, newly single Markus (Andreas) reluctantly joins the ranks of promiscuous gay “swingers” working at a hip Chelsea restaurant, picking up tips and a healthy dose of self-respect along the way.  Though earnest in its observation of sudden single-dom, “Summer” bogs down in bland video montages, stock characters and enough clichés to bore even the most tolerant of gay film festival audiences. Jesse Archer, who plays the sassy best friend, deserves a better movie.  (2005, TLA Releasing, $24.99)

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic: Oy, where to begin?  Crass and unpleasant on so many levels, the calamitous appeal of “Chaotic,” the DVD version of the duo’s thankfully defunct UPN reality show, is limited to the most hardened of fans and dermatologists fascinated by the ghastly state of Britster and Kev’s pores.  Ms. Spears illustrates the danger of failing to read the video camera’s instruction manual, zooming in on random objects and body parts (often with nausea-inducing effect) while deconstructing the enigma that is Mr. Federline. 

Once upon a time, great celebrities — especially those with limited intellect — created an aura of mystery and glamour by sticking to the rule of “less is more.”  Viewers would be hard-pressed to find a stronger argument in favor of that PR strategy. (2005, Jive, $19.98)

Guys Gone Wild: Similar to the exploitative “Girls Gone Wild,” “Guys” continues the grand tradition of mortifying both the parents and unborn children of exhibitionist college students partying on spring break. With three new additions to the series, the boys go further than ever but never together. (2005, Mantra Films, $19.99)

Bloody Pit of Horror: Although not necessarily new to DVD, the euro-sleaze “Pit” begs inclusion in this category. As a pack of doomed fashion models attempt a photo shoot at his remote Italian castle, former Mr. Universe Mickey Hargitay (ex-husband of the late Jayne Mansfield and father of “Law & Order: SVU” star Mariska Hargitay) channels the spirit of the 17th century “Crimson Executioner” and prepares his torture chamber for uninvited guests. 

Donning skimpy red tights and an entire vat of body oil, Hargitay utters hilariously bizarre dialogue such as, “Mankind is made up of inferior creatures, spiritually and physically deformed, who have corrupted the harmony of my perfect body.”  Tame stuff by today’s standards, but for fans of gay camp and trashy S&M, it’s a gold mine.  Keep an eye out for Hargitay’s bodybuilder henchman. (1965, Something Weird Video, $14.99).