THINK
“SINGIN’
IN
the
Rain”
looks
a
little
peculiar
sitting
on
the
shelf
next
to
“Slutty
Summer”?
No
need
to
feel
embarrassed,
we
all
have
that
secret
stash
of
DVDs
we’d
never
admit
to
owning.
In
a
tribute
to
those
naughty
and
campy
films
we
reluctantly
love,
here
are
a
few
new
DVDs
you
might
want
to
add
to
your
sock
drawer.
The
Hole:
Watch
the
videotape,
and
moments
later
an
anonymous
caller
delivers
the
warning,
“In
seven
days,
you
will
be
gay.”
Those
are
chilling
words
heard
by
a
throng
of
muscle-bound
(and
supposedly
straight)
men,
several
with
eyebrows
that
defy
the
laws
of
nature,
in
this
soft-core
parody
of
“The
Ring.”
But
rather
than
run
screaming
into
the
night,
our
brawny
protagonists
soon
feel
compelled
to
watch
videos
of
Judy
Garland
at
Carnegie
Hall,
gaze
deeply
into
each
others’
eyes
and
disrobe.
For
those
looking
to
go
all
the
way,
there’s
an
award-winning
hardcore
version
as
well.
(2005,
TLA
Releasing,
$19.99)
Slutty
Summer:
“I
don’t
know
what
I
want...
I
feel
very
liberated,
like
suddenly
I
can
do
anything.
I
can
take
my
life
anywhere.”
No,
that
is
not
the
great
Jill
Clayburgh
in
“An
Unmarried
Woman,”
though
it
would
appear
Swedish-born
writer,
director
and
star
of
“Summer”
Casper
Andreas
aspires
to
become
the
low-budget
gay
equivalent.
Betrayed
by
his
long-term
partner,
newly
single
Markus
(Andreas)
reluctantly
joins
the
ranks
of
promiscuous
gay
“swingers”
working
at
a
hip
Chelsea
restaurant,
picking
up
tips
and
a
healthy
dose
of
self-respect
along
the
way.
Though
earnest
in
its
observation
of
sudden
single-dom,
“Summer”
bogs
down
in
bland
video
montages,
stock
characters
and
enough
clichés
to
bore
even
the
most
tolerant
of
gay
film
festival
audiences.
Jesse
Archer,
who
plays
the
sassy
best
friend,
deserves
a
better
movie.
(2005,
TLA
Releasing,
$24.99)
Britney
and
Kevin:
Chaotic:
Oy,
where
to
begin?
Crass
and
unpleasant
on
so
many
levels,
the
calamitous
appeal
of
“Chaotic,”
the
DVD
version
of
the
duo’s
thankfully
defunct
UPN
reality
show,
is
limited
to
the
most
hardened
of
fans
and
dermatologists
fascinated
by
the
ghastly
state
of
Britster
and
Kev’s
pores.
Ms.
Spears
illustrates
the
danger
of
failing
to
read
the
video
camera’s
instruction
manual,
zooming
in
on
random
objects
and
body
parts
(often
with
nausea-inducing
effect)
while
deconstructing
the
enigma
that
is
Mr.
Federline.
Once
upon
a
time,
great
celebrities
—
especially
those
with
limited
intellect
—
created
an
aura
of
mystery
and
glamour
by
sticking
to
the
rule
of
“less
is
more.”
Viewers
would
be
hard-pressed
to
find
a
stronger
argument
in
favor
of
that
PR
strategy.
(2005,
Jive,
$19.98)
Guys
Gone
Wild:
Similar
to
the
exploitative
“Girls
Gone
Wild,”
“Guys”
continues
the
grand
tradition
of
mortifying
both
the
parents
and
unborn
children
of
exhibitionist
college
students
partying
on
spring
break.
With
three
new
additions
to
the
series,
the
boys
go
further
than
ever
but
never
together.
(2005,
Mantra
Films,
$19.99)
Bloody
Pit
of
Horror:
Although
not
necessarily
new
to
DVD,
the
euro-sleaze
“Pit”
begs
inclusion
in
this
category.
As
a
pack
of
doomed
fashion
models
attempt
a
photo
shoot
at
his
remote
Italian
castle,
former
Mr.
Universe
Mickey
Hargitay
(ex-husband
of
the
late
Jayne
Mansfield
and
father
of
“Law
&
Order:
SVU”
star
Mariska
Hargitay)
channels
the
spirit
of
the
17th
century
“Crimson
Executioner”
and
prepares
his
torture
chamber
for
uninvited
guests.
Donning
skimpy
red
tights
and
an
entire
vat
of
body
oil,
Hargitay
utters
hilariously
bizarre
dialogue
such
as,
“Mankind
is
made
up
of
inferior
creatures,
spiritually
and
physically
deformed,
who
have
corrupted
the
harmony
of
my
perfect
body.”
Tame
stuff
by
today’s
standards,
but
for
fans
of
gay
camp
and
trashy
S&M,
it’s
a
gold
mine.
Keep
an
eye
out
for
Hargitay’s
bodybuilder
henchman.
(1965,
Something
Weird
Video,
$14.99).
