Nov 04, 2005   | COMMENTS     

in the steam room and the sauna.

Can you really still just “be friends” after he says that you’re not his type? And then everything he says or does seems to be mocking you because you’re still into him.

It really peeves me when a self-hating homo rationalizes why he doesn’t deserve to be treated with equal dignity.

I slept with a girl too — in 1992. Does that make me straight? Not!

Why do escorts use pictures that are 15 years old? They’ll be tall, smooth with a six pack in a photo and in person have hair, no six pack and a gut. We need to pass a “Truth in Escort Pictures” law.

Another reason to become a Buddhist monk: Even if you’re a reasonably masculine and handsome guy, no one wants to date you if you’re shy and sweet. They only want to date you if you’re an egotistical ass they think they can tame.

I resent the time, effort, intellect and vocabulary I have to spend on corresponding with elected officials when what I really mean is, “Fuck you, asshole.”

To the homophobic, Bible-thumping, can’t keep your laws out of my bedroom, orgasm-deficient assholes who dedicate their lives to abolishing the separation of church and state: Some of us don’t believe in Christian mythology. So get over it!

It’s not that you are significantly older than me (hell, I’m over 40!) or that you are not a gym-chiseled, hard-bodied god (note my love handles). I’ve ignored you at the bar because you’re boring. I can’t endure another conversation about real estate. I have a house. I know how that works already.

For the love of god, cut your fingernails! Do you want me to bleed to death?

I wish my life were like a gay movie, but I have to face reality and treat every trick I meet as a one-night fantasy.

My brother preaches to me about being responsible and straightening up, but I’ve been with my boyfriend longer than he has with any of his ho’s.

You think that because I have money I’m corrupted and want to do nothing but show it off. Well, honey, it’s not noble being poor and proudly showing your ass through those torn jeans of yours.

Why is it that 20 years ago,