Dec 02, 2005   | COMMENTS     

Why is it that people think gay guys can get laid anytime, anywhere? I am lucky if I have a date, period.

If you’re looking for a husband, go where you’re likely to meet men who are good husband material. I met mine in a gay religious organization, not in a back room or a “sex right this second” chat room.

To people who don’t see what the big deal is over gay marriage: Which part of “equal protection of the laws” do you not understand?

Voluptuous does not mean fat!

I am a gay surfer, and I do mean the ocean variety. I am around the hottest and nicest guys, all straight, who accept me as a good surfer and good comrade. Why don’t more gay men surf?

To a certain nightclub owner: Sooner or later you are gonna get caught refilling empty top-shelf bottles with cheap, rail liquors and selling it as top-shelf. People are noticing.

To the guy who bitched about my shiny hair, my vanity and my hovel of a bedroom: You inspired me to reorganize my room, so now it’s much more spacious. And I’ll try to be more attentive to others. It’s hard though, as most people don’t interest me very much.

Unless you’re paying my bills or sleeping in my bed, I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think about how I look or who I sleep with.

Enough with the line about being “drug and disease free” in online personals. Most guys haven’t been tested for at least six months and half of them want to have unsafe sex. They probably aren’t D/D free or won’t be for long.

Nauseating to brush against someone’s sticky, sweaty skin? I’d hate to be you during sex.

Why do so many lesbians have kids, you ask? Because we’re building an army for when we take over the world and turn it into a giant peacenik co-op where everyone will worship the womb!

Either there are more gay men than lesbians, or gay men are better at pretending that they aren’t swimming in a sea of former lovers every time they go out.

Talk about football and cars all you want, you are still a nelly bottom.

Maybe if you try initiating a pleasant conversation with the new or shy guy in the club instead of throwing attitude, you might land Mr. Right.

So you work out at the gym and take steroids? For what? You still can’t even see your abs. You claim to be in a “bulking up” phase, but the truth is you are just fat, Mary.

To the person who complained that therapy is an overpriced scam: Counseling isn’t for everyone, but I’m certain it helped me during my struggle with depression.

How do you manage to not look “desperate” when deep down you are truly, truly desperate!

Being gay is totally unnatural and un-African. It’s just some Western shit that’s penetrating our cultures to make it look normal!

Stop asking me to form a triad with you and your boyfriend just because I’m single. I’m single because it’s difficult to meet monogamous men.

Please trim your armpits. The hair is so long under there you could start a comb-over!

Living in the gay ghetto is so five minutes ago. It’s time you spread out.

How come lesbians never write into “Bitch Session” demanding to know what kind of deodorant “real women” wear?

To the people who think the gay rights movement is male-centered: Take a look at the data on same-sex marriage. It’s the girls that get (and stay) married, not the boys.

One of the perils of leather bars is the risk of exposure to intelligent conversation. Thank goodness the twink clubs are free of that danger.

To the jerk judging casual sex: I grew up in a prudish, sex-negative home that ironically screwed me and my siblings. I judged that, and the verdict was guilty.

Dude, stop bitching about the “femme twinks.” There was a time when they were the only ones who would stand up for your rights, musclehead.

To you black lesbians who only date white women: Please don’t ask to borrow another dime to play the game of letting your white woman think you are wealthy.

Tight designer jeans look great, cost a ton, sometime get you laid but the reality is they cut the circulation off ...