Mar 18, 2005  |  By: RICHARD COHEN  | COMMENTS     

WE WERE DEEPLY saddened to read Wayne Besen’s biased appraisal of the work of Parents & Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX). (“PFLAG and PFOX are night and day,” op-ed by Wayne Besen, March 4).

With great insensitivity and misinformation, Mr. Besen did his best to attack the very heart of our outreach to keep families together. We would like to set the record straight:

Myth: Wayne said, “Their mission is to teach parents how to biblically justify rejecting their own children.”

Fact: PFOX is committed to keeping parents and children together. We promote unconditional love and mutual respect. We believe that parents should love their children for the wonderful young men or women they are.

Myth: Wayne said, “Exhibit A in the PFOX model is Alan Keyes.”

Fact: It is our policy to help parents understand same-sex attractions, even if they disagree with their child’s decisions. We know nothing about Mr. Keyes and his daughter. I was not a member of PFOX when Mr. Keyes spoke at a conference.

Myth: Wayne said, “Ironically, PFOX leader Regina Griggs hasn’t successfully changed her own child from gay to straight. Her son is openly gay. Perhaps Griggs should have experienced success at home before she literally took her act on the road.”

Fact: PFOX is not in the “changing” business. We are in the educating and loving business. Regina Griggs and her husband completely accept and embrace their son and love him unconditionally. Placing conditions on love is not loving at all.

Myth: Wayne said, “It is clear that the PFLAG paradigm brings families together, while the PFOX model tears them apart.”

Fact: PFOX believes parents and children may unconditionally love one another without compromising their values or beliefs. Whether someone is gay, ex-gay or straight, we all need to respect each other, and at times, agree to disagree.

Myth: Wayne said, “Sixty-nine percent of GLBT youth report experiencing some form of harassment or violence, with 46 percent reporting verbal harassment, 36 percent reporting sexual harassment, 12 percent reporting physical harassment, and 6 percent reporting physical assault.”

Fact: “In 2001, 12 percent of students ages 12-18 reported that someone at school had used hate-related words against them. Between 1 and 2 percent each reported that the words were related to their religion, disability, or sexual orientation. Specifically, public school students were more likely to report exposure to hate words related to their race, ethnicity or disability.”

Myth: Wayne said, “Gay and lesbian youths are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than other youths.”

Fact: National Institute of Mental Health reported: “In the few studies examining risk factors for suicide where sexual orientation was assessed, the risk for gay or lesbian persons did not appear any greater than among heterosexuals, once mental and substance abuse disorders were taken into account.”

Myth: Wayne said. “Of 1.3 million homeless children on America’s streets, 500,000 are thought to be GLBT kids thrown out by their parents.”

Fact: According to a more recent (1997) study, only about 2 percent of GLBT youth left home because of disapproval of sexual orientation.

WE AT PFOX believe in the right of self-determination. If someone has unwanted same-sex attractions, it is their civil right to explore the option of changing from a homosexual to a heterosexual orientation.

We know that no one chooses to have same-sex attractions. However, people have a right to choose to change. That is their inalienable right: a free choice.

Ex-gays prove that change is possible. I know this personally and professionally. I lived a gay life for many years.

Today I am happily married with three kids. As a professional psychotherapist, I have helped hundreds change from gay to straight.