Frank and Anita Worthen warned a group of ex-gay men and their would-be wives that it is best to avoid deep kissing until after marriage, and that prudent couples wait a year after wedding before attempting intercourse. (Photo by Jeremy Bigwood)
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EARTHA JANE MELZE
Friday, July 29, 2005
Grown men, teen-agers and a few women rushed to the stage and bowed down in front of it, forming a mosh pit of cuddling, not slam-dancing.
“You want a miracle in your life,” intoned Rev. Jerry Falwell, the Lynchburg, Va.-based televangelist and conservative leader.
The lights were dim, a rock band played soft music as purple and blue spotlights patrolled the crowd slowly.
Men lined up in front of the stage facing outward toward prayer partners, and they embraced their weeping or silent counterparts who came forward asking to be delivered — delivered of their same-sex attractions.
“There’s not really a time frame now,” said Mike, the man assigned to accompany this reporter at all times during the meeting.
As sections of the crowd thinned, the guitar music continued and Alan Chambers, president of Exodus International, encouraged everyone to take all the time they needed, “to do their business with God.”
Holding on to one another, swaying, they seemed in no hurry. With all the high emotion, dim lights and soft rock music, the auditorium felt a bit like a junior high school dance.
This was the Thursday evening, July 21, worship session of Exodus International’s annual weeklong Freedom Conference, held last week in North Carolina at the Baptist Ridgecrest Conference Center, near Asheville.
The organization evolved from the first Exodus conference in Los Angeles in 1976 at a gathering that attracted 62 men and women “affected by unwanted homosexuality,” according to the conference program and information on the organization’s Web site.
Exodus now claims125 ministries and says the organization has reached 400,000 people. Its purpose is to provide faith-based programs they say can enable gay men and women to change their sexual orientation to heterosexual.
Both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association have condemned “reparative therapy” that seeks to change sexual orientation as ineffective and harmful to those who attempt it.
During the conference, which took place July 18-23 and attracted about 1,000 participants, this reporter was allowed to observe a portion of the events, if accompanied at all times by an Exodus volunteer.
During a news conference Thursday evening, Falwell, who was speaking for the first time at an Exodus conference, took issue with claims by other ex-gay advocates that even teens must at least consent to ex-gay “reorientation” for it to be successful.
The issue has been contentious ever since Zach Stark, a Bartlett, Tenn., teenager, touched off a nationwide debate by writing in his blog that his parents were forcing him to attend an ex-gay “camp” run by Love In Action, which is affiliated with Exodus.
Zach was scheduled to be released this week, and gay activists in Memphis planned a protest this Friday, July 29, to mark the occasion.
Dr. Warren Throckmorton, a psychologist and “sexual reorientation counselor,” criticized the approach of Love In Action and Zach’s parents, arguing that consent is critical to successful counseling, so parents shouldn’t force their children to participate.
Falwell said parents must intervene. Allowing a teen to be gay is as dangerous as allowing a son or daughter to play on the interstate, he said.
The conference involved daily worship sessions, support group meetings and workshops ranging from “Starting & Refining an Exodus Ministry” and “Countering Pro-gay Theology” to “Freedom from Masturbation? It’s possible.”
In the exhibit hall, a DVD featured Sy Rogers, who has a ministry in which he chats about overcoming his desire to become a woman. He said he found Jesus and learned how to act like a man.
Though most of the books on display at the conference seemed focused on issues faced by males struggling with same-sex attraction, there was a small area devoted to women’s issues, including “Bridging the Gap — A Guide to Evangelizing in Women’s Sports.” The step-by-step manual gave instructions on how to identify lesbians on sports team and guide them toward Jesus and heterosexuality once a friendship is established.
Mike suggested attending a workshop on “Making Your Marriage Work.”
Frank Worthen, an Exodus founder, and his wife, Anita, offered tips on how the ex-gay male can marry a woman and meet the expectations of family and friends. They addressed a classroom packed with about 60 people, about half with what appeared to be their spouses.
“Men are ready for marriage when their desire to be protected becomes a desire to protect,” Frank Worthen said. “A man should also have three years of celibacy,” he added, “and have been free of pornography and masturbation for some time.”
They were many questions.
A middle-aged man with a crew-cut wanted to know he needs to be “free of masturbation.” He was seated next to a woman.
Frank Worthen asked the crowd, “What should be done if a man begins to have same-sex fantasies while making love to his wife?”
A man in the audience said he and his wife pray whenever they make love.
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| Chad Thompson, author of ‘Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would,’ set up a display at the Exodus Freedom Conference. Thompson’s book argues for a kinder, gentler approach to helping gay people become heterosexual. (Photo by Jeremy Bigwood) |
Anita Worthen told the crowd that married couples are responsible for keeping one another sexually satisfied, and that this can present special challenges in a relationship with an ex-gay partner. A wife needs to be prepared to offer extra help so that her husband can have an erection, she said. Also, she said some men do not enjoy the feel of a woman’s skin.
“How can this be overcome?” I asked.
Frank Worthen said men need to become “hard and masculine” in order to be able to enjoy the soft, mushy feel of a woman. To become firmer, it is OK for a man to work out a little bit, he said, just not too much.
He also said that many wives wonder whether their ex-gay husbands will expect them to engage in the “unnatural” sex practices to which they imagine their husbands have become accustomed. Not so, Frank said, and he recommended that couples avoid oral sex, which could stimulate gay fantasies.
The Worthens said physical intimacy should proceed slowly, and it is best to wait until marriage to experiment with deep kissing. There should be no commitment to sexual performance on the wedding night, they said, and some prudent couples wait a year after marriage before even attempting sexual intercourse.
Frank Worthen also warned the crowd that gay friends are a one-way ticket back to “the lifestyle.”
His wife said wives should be prepared to submit to their husbands’ plans. Her husband instructed audience members to practice communication: Be a good listener, put down the paper, he said, make eye contact, and pretend you care.
Chambers, the Exodus president, noted in an interview that Exodus tries to distance itself from “radical” groups.
For example, Exodus will not work with aversion therapists who use penis rings that deliver shocks when subjects respond to inappropriate imagery. Exodus also seeks to distance itself from “holding therapists” who try to heal people of homosexuality by touching them.
But Chambers said the strongest reaction to his ministry’s work is from gay activists.
“We have received our fair number of death threats,” he said. “We receive our fair number of piles of human feces in the mail.”
Chambers said that society is very accepting of gay and lesbian people and that the idea that people are pressured into ex-gay ministries and therapies by an intolerant society is, “one of the funniest things I have ever heard.”
“It is an increasingly sexual culture, and this related to the breakdown of our families, the breakdown of our Christian morals in our Christian nation,” Chambers said. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t respect and tolerate people that have different views on sexuality, but I don’t think as a society we should promote anything that’s outside of a … monogamous, heterosexual marriage.”
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