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Woody Miller is the author of ‘Men
Are Pigs But We Love Bacon.’ Reach him at needwood@mac.com.
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HOME > ECLIPSE > NEED WOOD
COMMENTS
My partner and I are trying to add a little spice to our serviceable but rather
bland sex life. Any suggestions? Just keep in mind that we consider salt and pepper
spices, so don’t be giving us hair-straightening Tabasco sauce suggestions!
Listen, you’re talking to the right guy. My idea of kinky is having sex
with a guy whose name I remember. I called up my friend Robert Davolt, author
of ‘Painfully Obvious’ and asked him what lightweights like you
and I could do to spice things up without scaring the hell out of ourselves.
Listen to Robert — he is to BDSM what Michael Jackson is to NAMBLA —
a recognized leader. Here’s what he suggested:
Heat play. “A popular form of administering pain,” Robert said.
Basically, you drip candle wax on certain body parts or apply analgesic heat
creams that athletes use. A couple of cautions: Minimize wax burns and welts
by pouring from further away than you think (say, 8-12 inches from the skin).
This gives the wax more time to cool before it hits the skin. However, it does
increase the splatter factor. Robert thinks about all the angles, that’s
why I love him. He also warns that different colors and scents will cause candles
to melt at different temperatures, so test it out on yourself first.
Beware of using heat creams because they could cause chemical burns or rashes
if used incorrectly or if you’re unknowingly allergic to them. Try a small
amount first and always have a cool, wet rag handy to wipe away.
Hood ornaments: Hoods provide a blank canvas for the imagination. Put it on
before the action begins and you can become another person. It also heightens
the mystery for your partner. If your loved one can’t see your facial
expressions, it’ll leave them with a tingling curiosity. “What’s
he thinking?” “What’s he feeling?”
One or both partners can wear leather, rubber or spandex hoods. Just make sure
that it’s comfortable for a reasonable amount of time and allows for unobstructed
breathing. Some hoods restrict vision as well. Safety suggestion: Both partners
should be able to breathe and at least one partner should be able to see clearly,
if for no other reason than to suck off the guy you’re hooded partner
doesn’t know is there.
I read your article on “Chasing away Mr. Right for Mr. Wrong.” As
a psychotherapist, I often work with LBGT clients struggling with this issue.
Thank you for so clearly explaining what is usually the real problem. The Buddha
would be proud of you. And thanks also for promoting therapy as a viable avenue
for effective change. I’m curious, have you ever considered becoming a
proper therapist?
You must be joking. Me a shrink? The guy who throws pennies in the wishing well
hoping that nobody’s wishes come true? The guy whose upbeat view of abortion
is “Lose 5 pounds in 5 days?”
I think not. But you do bring up a good point. I’m a great believer in
therapy. It’s been a tremendous help in various stages of my life. As
you can see, it’s made me sweeter to my fellow man. But seriously, I credit
therapy with accepting my own homosexuality. I remember wanting to quit college
because I was so unhappy with life because of this sexual “curse”
I had (loving men). I remember talking to my older brother about quitting and
though he didn’t know why I was so unhappy he suggested I do what he did
— go to therapy. I remember being shocked. Here was my older brother,
an athletic star, telling me he went to therapy! I learned a valuable lesson
then: Sometimes it takes a “senior” person to give you “permission”
to get help. I took the permission and my life opened up. So as the senior ass
master of this rag, consider this if you’re struggling with any issue,
sexual or not: Permission granted.
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