Jan 20, 2006  |  By: JEFF GANNON  | COMMENTS     

LIKE ANY COLUMNIST, I get my share of angry letters from people who disagree with my point of view. But more than a few messages contain obscenity-laced personal attacks that are disturbing in their hateful ferocity.

Because I have a thick skin, these comments never have their intended effect, but I have grown weary with one particular aspect of the criticism.

I am continually perplexed at the suggestion that I am "self-loathing." Several writers have compared me to Jews who worked for the Nazis during the Third Reich.

I am beginning to understand that the term is code meant to disparage gays who are conservative, Republican or Christian. The implication is that because these people tend to regard their sexuality as a private matter and don't make it the focus of their entire existence, they suffer from internalized homophobia.

Frankly, I surmise that the accusation is a projection from gays whose culture is replete with dissatisfaction about self-image.

I TESTED THIS hypothesis by examining the recent celebration of New Year's Eve. In the gay ghettos of most major cities, revelers could grind the night away in a sea of shirtless, drugged-out narcissists presided over by an overabundance of drag queens and a smattering of porn stars who look like Tarzan but act like Jane.

For those who get a headache after only an hour of the incessant beat of most club music fare, the alternative is to join the hygienically challenged crowd at local bars.

There, in the darkness you can find the pierced, tattooed, leather-clad pseudo-masculine accountant-teacher-designer-bureaucrat of your dreams. All you have to decide is whether you want to be on the giving or receiving end of the abuse, pain and humiliation.

A culture symbolized by macho caricatures and RuPaul imitators does not represent happy, self-satisfied people. Neither does a culture where rampant drug abuse and irresponsible sexual behavior have deadly consequences.

According to self-appointed arbiters of all things gay, it is those who reject the prevailing gay culture who are "self-loathing." But to which group does that term really apply: people who hide their true beings behind dresses, makeup, leather harnesses and ass-less chaps or those who resist association with a culture that doesn't reflect their values?

The vacuous and superficial nature of gay culture makes it difficult to establish and maintain long-term monogamous relationships. Activists will claim that the prohibition of gay marriage is responsible for such a hedonistic lifestyle, but that is a weak argument since most often what prevents the formation of strong interpersonal bonds is the shallow basis of the pairings, usually physical appearance.

The obsession with physical appearance in the gay community is itself driven by a poor self-image.

MANY COMPLAIN THAT they can't find a suitable partner but don't realize that the odds of finding true love at bars, circuit parties and internet chat rooms is small. The over-emphasis on sex makes and the lack of a solid social infrastructure dooms most gay relationships from the start.

Relationship-forming is further complicated by the easy acceptance of promiscuity and a refusal to put even a single moral limit on behavior.

Unbridled hedonism manifests itself in a culture that is devoid of standards of acceptable conduct.

Instead of addressing the serious business of creating a gay culture that places an emphasis on self-worth and self-esteem, self-appointed gay leaders heap abuse on those who reject the prevailing mores and those with diverse opinions are scorned for their refusal to buy into a failed social paradigm.

Projecting your own misery onto those who would dare to challenge the myth that all is well in gaydom isn't healthy or helpful.

Perhaps it would be better to direct the considerable creative energy of the gay community at solving the root causes of its own self-destructive nature and away from losing issues like gay marriage. It's hard to project a positive image to the rest of society when your self-image is so poor.