Oct 06, 2006  |  By: JOSHUA LYNSEN  | COMMENTS     

Gay activist Alexei Guren wasn’t sure what to expect when he came out as bisexual.

As a leading member of several gay organizations in Miami, Guren thought his announcement at age 22 in 1984 might spur some skepticism.

“But I didn’t expect the level of anger and suspicion that I had thrown at me,” he said. “Within a very short time, I had been asked to resign from most of the organizations, and lost the majority of my friends.”

Guren, who had identified publicly as gay since age 16, was labeled a traitor.

“My hurt at their anger and suspicion manifested itself in feelings of anger and betrayal,” he said, “to the point where I relocated to another state so I could begin life anew as a bisexual man.”

Guren’s story was one of many that bisexuals across the United States and as far away as Australia shared with the Blade in advance of National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11.

Many spoke of the negative reactions their announcements generated. Guren, who is now married and living in Tucson, Ariz., said he was accused of abandoning his gay friends and “seeking heterosexual privilege.”

But others, like 36-year-old Dennis Slade of Philadelphia, said family and friends readily accepted the new identity.

Slade, who came out to his mother days before flying to visit with his boyfriend, said he received his mother’s full support.

“In the end, Mom’s actions were better than any verbal response could have been,” he said. “Three days later at six in the morning, she picked me and my boyfriend up from the airport and welcomed us both into her home.”

The more than 30 bisexuals who were interviewed for this article said the mixed reactions they first received — and continue to receive as they openly live their lives — show that few people truly understand bisexuality.

Brenna Walters, a 30-year-old bisexual from Murfreesboro, Tenn., said most people are instead prone to stereotypical assumptions.

“Mostly, to the straight, I’m promiscuous,” she said, “and to the gay, I’m waffling.”

Sheela Lambert, 49, a bisexual activist from New York, said these and other misconceptions are difficult to overcome.

But as more bisexuals come out, she said more people will understand that bisexuality no more defines a person than heterosexuality or homosexuality.

“Bi people are always sexualized in our culture,” Lambert said, “when the reality is that we go to work, make toast, and make our kids do their homework just like everyone else.”

Defying duality

Bisexuality is often misunderstood, an expert said, because it cannot be easily classified.

“People in Western cultures love divisions,” said Dr. Paula Rodríguez Rust, a lesbian. “And when things don’t fit into our categories, we’re not comfortable with them. We don’t understand them.”

Rodríguez Rust, author of “Bisexuality in the United States,” said people sometimes perceive bisexuality as some “middle ground” between straight and gay.

“But there’s nothing middle about it,” she said. “It’s not an issue of half straight, half gay.”

Instead, bisexuals can find a person attractive regardless of that person’s gender.

“Gender doesn’t really come into my mind when I find out I like someone,” said Lori Carter, 19, a bisexual living in North Carolina. “On a purely physical level, I find both sexes to be appealing in different ways.”

Lambert said while she is drawn to the softness of women, she also delights in the muscularity of men.

“Gender is just not a barrier to who I am capable of falling in love with or being attracted to,” she said. “I look for similar personality qualities regardless of the gender of the person.”

Some bisexuals noted while they may prefer one gender, that tendency does not negate their bisexuality.

“I would say that sexuality is fluid,” said Nabila Marrow, a 17-year-old bisexual from Melbourne, Australia. “It changes. Sometimes we may find ourselves attracted to one sex and not the other, or to both. It’s something that we have to roll with.”

Marrow said her parents didn’t immediately understand when she tried to explain.

“When I came out to my parents, my dad asked how I know I can be attracted to females when I haven’t had any experience with them,” she said. “I said that it was simple. How did he know he wasn’t attracted to males if he hadn’t any experience with them? You just know.”

Many bisexuals noted a lack of sexual contact with one gender does not mean they should be suddenly classified as a gay or straight person.

“I could date only women — or only men — for the next 30 years and I would still consider myself bisexual,” said Ivan Boothe, 24, a ...