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ROBERT BRAGA
Thursday, May 11, 2006
I’d like to come home to live in America. No, let me be clearer. I’d like to be able to live in America. But I cannot.
Even though I am a native-born U.S. citizen who lived in America until I was 42 years old, I have been exiled by U.S. law. I am a "love exile." Because I am gay, I am a second-class U.S. citizen, lacking the basic right to live in America together with my non-U.S. partner.
Since 1994 I have lived in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, with my wonderful Dutch husband, Rik Kruisdijk, who is a judge in the court of Rotterdam.
We were a Gay Games romance, a happy by-product of the 1994 Gay Games in New York. It was love at first sight, and it will be love for life. Six years ago we married in Amsterdam, and I am now a Dutch (and U.S.) citizen.
But U.S. law intentionally and cruelly forced me to choose: either live with Rik outside of America, or live in America without Rik. The strangely named "Defense of Marriage Act," a federal law passed in 1996, specifies that Rik cannot be my family for immigration purposes.
He cannot live in the United States, unless he were to enter into a fake marriage with a woman, or pretend to take a job he doesn’t plan to take. Of course, he won’t do either of those things. And fortunately, Holland welcomes us.
THE CURE FOR my problem is the Uniting American Families Act, introduced by Congressman Jerry Nadler (D-N.Y.). This law would humanely and simply add "permanent partners" to "spouses" in the Immigration & Nationality Act.
It would solve our problem. It would let me bring Rik to live in America. It would also end my second-class status as a U.S. citizen, lacking the legal immigration rights that straight people take for granted.
This problem is not just affecting me. Our Amsterdam-based Love Exiles Foundation (www.loveexiles.org) estimates that there are many thousands of Americans in Western Europe alone that are facing the same problem.
Luckily, 19 countries allow same-sex partner immigration, including most Western democracies (excluding the U.S.). The Netherlands has done so since 1974. So why is America so backward?
Earlier this month, Human Rights Watch and Immigration Equality published a landmark report entitled, "Families, Unvalued" that documents the irrationality and human suffering caused by the current U.S. policy. "Families, Unvalued" reports the stories of 30 bi-national couples who are suffering—and the authors certainly had many more stories to choose from.
THE LAST U.S. CENSUS found 40,000 binational same-sex couples living in the United States, but that number is vastly understated, excluding the many who are afraid to report themselves, and the thousands who are living abroad.
Unfortunately, until now the politics have followed party lines. Most of the support for UAFA comes from Democrats. But I’m sure there are Republicans who will also want to stop this inhumane treatment of U.S. citizens, if they would only think about it.
The problem is two-fold: (a) We who are abroad are politically invisible, and (b) a lot of Americans simply do not believe that it is difficult to bring someone to live in America. Even my well-informed friends in the U.S. will say to me, "But you can marry in Massachusetts!"
That is irrelevant, because immigration is a federal issue. Or, "Surely Rik can get a green card!" or "There are so many foreigners here, I’m sure you can find a way for Rik." But we can’t.
Moreover, current U.S. policy is causing a massive brain drain. Thousands of our best-educated and experienced professional people are leaving the U.S. as love exiles, and we are taking our U.S. earned qualifications with us.
We are using our skills to enrich other countries. From a purely practical policy standpoint, that makes no sense at all. It’s absurd.
In a few years, I’ll start thinking about retirement. I’d like to be able to retire to America, but for now, it’s just not possible.
Please, give me the right to come home together with my partner. Give me legal rights equal to any straight person’s. Encourage Congress to pass the Uniting American Families Act now!
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