(Clockwise from left) Gregg Marzullo (left) and Philip Fletcher. Donald Engstrom, the ceremony’s officiate, ties the couple’s hands together. Guests arrive at the wedding site. The wedding party gathers for photos. (Photos by Annie Lynsen)
When planning your fabulous gay wedding, make a stop at GayWeddings.com. Founded by a straight mother, Gretchen Hamm, and gay daughter, Kathryn Hamm, GayWeddings.com was one of the earliest gay wedding planning resources on the market. The company, started in 2000 with TwoBrides.com and TwoGrooms.com, acquired GayWeddings.com in 2005. This expansion allowed the mother and daughter to reach out to even more fiancés.
“We’re able to help couples find what they need in each area,” says Kathryn Hamm, 37, who works in the Clarendon, Va., office. Her mother works in the Dallas, Texas headquarters.
The company offers resources for gay couples all over the country. Jewelers, caterers, florists and venues are the standard considerations that drive couples bonkers before a wedding, and the Hamm family maintains a list of companies that are gay-friendly and/or gay-operated.
If they don’t have anyone in your area, Kathryn says they’ll cold-call businesses to figure out who is friendly and who isn’t.
“I’m happy to pick up the phone and place a phone call and ask, ‘Are you gay-friendly,’” says Kathrynn. “It helps protect the couple a little bit.”
Most gay wedding planners listed are based in Canada and the United Kingdom.
SavvyPlanners.com serves couples in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Key West, Fla. The company assists with invitations, day-of event management, floral arrangements, venue negotiations and even honeymoon planning.
For those who want to travel and marry on the beaches of Hawaii, go to AlohaMauiGayWeddings.com. The company helps you in getting to the island and then in throwing a tropical ceremony with the options of chartering boats, hosting a luau and even releasing doves at the end of the vows.
June is traditionally a month associated with weddings, and these days it’s hard to think about the topic of marriage outside of a political context.
President Bush reiterated his support for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage last week, flanked by representatives of anti-gay, “pro-family” groups. Cooler heads prevailed and the Senate later rejected the amendment in a vote after an often-contentious floor debate.
For me, marriage isn’t about political squabbling and getting out the vote. It’s about love. Philip Fletcher and I married on Sunday, June 11, in the presence of 120 guests. Family members and beloved friends from many aspects of our lives came to celebrate with us on a beautiful summer afternoon in a clearing among trees and flowers at a private home in Leonardtown, Md.
From the altar, I recall looking at the beaming faces of a small community. I knew in that moment that all the arguments, vitriol, laws and religious proclamations would eventually crumble under the power of loving commitments made by same-sex couples around the world.
UP UNTIL THE big day, however, there were many hurdles — some standard and some not — to overcome. No matter how much you plan ahead, weddings really are as crazy as everyone tells you.
I proposed to Philip on May Day, 2005, and since that time, every waking moment was filled with caterers, dishes, flowers, ceremony details, invitations and a host of other unforeseen madness.
When planning first began, the internet became the primary research tool, but typing “wedding planning” into a web search engine yields almost nothing in the way of gay marriages. Each website was full of straight imagery and straight considerations, and there were no options within the sites for gay couples.
Most companies offered little for men in general, never mind two men getting hitched. OneWed.com has information on dresses, bridal shoes and wedding hairstyles for brides. TopWeddingSites.com contains categories for cosmetics, bridal showers, bridal shows and bridal wear, and there were no specific categories for grooms. TheKnot.com showed flashing photos of brides in lovely dresses and braided hair. Where were the men? We wondered what straight men did for their hair and fashion concerns.
SIMPLE CONSIDERATIONS THAT are non-issues for straight couples are tinged with trepidation for gay fiancés.
The jeweler was a major concern. Who could create the rings we wanted and be comfortable with the obvious nature of our relationship? A straight couple recommended a family jeweler in Silver Spring, Md. — John Greenan & Sons, located at 1314 Fenwick Lane.
“I’ve done three gay couples,” says Carmen Guice who works at the shop. “They’ve been regular customers.”
Eddie Greenan created our rings to Philip’s design specifications. Over a period of months, Greenan took measurements, showed stones, created a wax mold and resized the rings as necessary. Equally important, he didn’t bat an eye when we walked in and said we needed wedding rings.
“We look at everybody as equals,” Guice says. “We have no qualms about anybody. We think differently.”
WE HOPED EVERYONE would be as easygoing about our wedding as the jeweler was. We had some unique familial considerations to make when inviting family.
“I never assume that a parent is going to be there,” says Kathryn Hamm, one of the owners of GayWeddings.com, a national gay wedding planning company. “It is still the case where one family is very excited to participate and one is not. That’s something that the heterosexual market doesn’t see in the same way.”
In addition to it being a same-sex ceremony, the religious nature of our nuptials could have proved challenging for family and certain friends.
Philip and I come from very different religious backgrounds. His family is strong in the Christian faith, and mine not so much. He continues as an open-minded and spiritually expansive Christian, and I’ve been a witch since I was a teen. We crafted our ceremony with all of this in mind, adding pieces that would be meaningful and beautiful for both of us.
Philip’s mother, who is a conservative Christian, chose not to attend, and while her choice did not surprise him, it caused him great pain. His father, stepmother, sister, brother and stepsister all attended, as did his gay uncle, the elder brother of his mother. His uncle’s participation was especially meaningful as he brought his partner of 36 years with him.
All of my family arrived, except my aunt, who had no problems with the gay relationship but felt uncomfortable with the pagan bent of the ceremony. My parents, and stepparents were there, and even my stepfather’s ex-wife came in from Denver, along with my stepbrother and stepsister.
Our wedding came at an interesting convergence of events. We held it on the full moon of June, the traditional marriage month named after Juno, Roman goddess of matrimony, and that day also happened to be D.C.’s Pride celebration. During the month where gay people unfurl their banners and proclaim their identities far and wide, Philip and I also showed our pride in our relationship.
The week before our wedding, on Saturday, June 5, President Bush told marriage amendment supporters, “For ages, in every culture, human beings have understood that marriage is critical to the well-being of families.”
When I saw the tear-stained cheeks of our parents and the bright smiles of our siblings, I found I agreed with the president. When I heard the thunderous applause of the community when we were presented as Philip and Gregory Fletcher-Marzullo, I, too, believed in the importance of marriage to our families of blood and our families of choice.
When I leaned in for one of the day’s many kisses, sealing the love and commitment between us for the rest of our lives, I knew that gay marriage doesn’t divide our nation — it brings together families and friends in the celebration of love and beauty. If that’s not the pursuit of happiness, I don’t know what is.
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