Sep 08, 2006   | COMMENTS     

Honey, I’m 35 and have gray hair, yet everyone thinks I’m in my mid to late 20s. Gray hair is hot, so get over it!

Isn’t it ironic that the guy from the very anti-gay group the Family Research Council is named Tony Perkins? He shares the same name as the closeted actor who used to be Troy Donohue’s boyfriend and later died of AIDS without ever coming out.

To all the bitches out there who hate when trannies don’t come out and say it before the first date: Maybe if you weren’t so closed-minded and fundamentally opposed to us, we’d be more inclined to be open and honest with you.

I listened to you yabber on endlessly for a year while we dated about this and about that, but now that you have someone new you can’t even dignify me with a telephone conversation now and then?

Don’t expect to find love at a bar. Try the park, you at least see them sober.

A bitch of a way to end a date: Me: “I’m saving myself for marriage.”
You: “Well, maybe I could change that.”

Yes, I’m gay. No, I’m not a whore. No second date for you, sorry bitch.
trong>Bitch Boy responds: Me: That “sorry bitch” ought to consider himself fortunate!

To the bitch about how men’s dress shoes aren’t garishly colored enough: Why don’t you just find out where the televangelists and megachurch pastors shop, so you can buy yours there?

You know the women who try to flirt their way to the top? Hello! If the man is gay, honey it ain’t gonna work. Stop being a pathetic whore and work hard like the rest of do!

After a while, I just started sleeping with ugly people. The 50 cent bag at WalMart was just more cost effective than a $100 dinner.

You always wanted to surround yourself with “urban culture” and those who exude it. I bet it really gets to you that your new girlfriend is a run-of-the-mill sporty dyke who’d rather spend every waking moment cycling through the countryside!

I express interest in one Asian guy, and suddenly you ask if I have an Asian fetish. Can’t I be attracted to people of other races because they’re good-looking without you reducing them to sex toys?

I’m so sick of rich suburban moms who think that just because I’m gay, I’m going to redesign their foyer as a “favor.” Learn how to drive your SUV, take down the Dubya lawn sign and then call me!

Why is it OK for the president to go on about gay marriage and how wrong it is, but then make statements like, “America was founded on the principle that we are all created equal”? Hypocrisy is an ugly color, and he wears it gracelessly.

I avoided you because you were ugly, not because you were black. Stop blaming everything on race and go to the beauty parlor!

To the person who bitched about the biker bar: I’ve been turned away from one, and it’s so funny. Apparently I violated their dress code — a dress code in a biker bar!

Twenty-five years into the AIDS epidemic, you would think gay men would be experts at safe sex and paragons of understanding. Instead, there is more stigma and denial than ever, and the infection rate is growing.

You love having sex with me but refuse a relationship because you’re too scarred from your last one. Yet you have no trouble telling everyone but me some rich public figure is your boyfriend. Why don’t you just admit that you’re a social climber instead of lying to me about it?

Why is it there are no average-sized, average-looking men in gay porn movies? Not everyone has 13-inch penises with six-packs. Let’s have some average-sized, normal looking guys in these films.

Please stop with the silly frat boy T-shirts! You’re not 12 anymore. Stop fighting it and dress your age.

To those who preach at me: I believe that your holy books are the work of fallible human beings, not magic sky pixies. If I’m mistaken, feel free to present evidence to prove me wrong.

Don’t be a hater just because you spent all your money on Tina and Prada and can’t afford the $350 tickets to see Madonna hang from her glittery disco cross!

Wow, I had no idea there were others who obsess over the hot meteorologists on the Weather Channel. I thought I was the only one. Thanks for the safety-in-numbers, bitch!

I don’t care where you are, the only place a tank top is dinner attire is McDonalds. Grow up and ...