Dec 28, 2007   | COMMENTS     

Alt-queer party promoter KARL JONES has been working the social scene since he turned 13 and hosted a New Year's Eve bash for 30 at his home in Tulsa, Okla. That first soirée gave way to parties in high school and at Hendrix College in Conway, Ark., where Jones studied history. During college, he threw 20-minute dance parties to Spice Girls music in his dorm room and held learn-to-polka events atop a neglected underground library. After coming to the District in 2001, Jones started making connections, and in 2003 he started up indie-music night Taint at Shaw bar DC9 and Guerilla Queer Bar D.C., an event where local gays head to a straight bar en masse. Both events are still running today, with Taint's New Year's installment starting at 9 p.m. on Sunday, Dec. 30. Now living in Baltimore with his boyfriend, Jones can still be seen regularly in D.C., helping to amp up the city's alternative party life.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
10 years. Myself.

Who's your gay hero?
Fred Phelps. No single person has done more good for inspiring homophobe-phobia. I have an autographed photo of him and his clan on my wall at the office.

What is Washington's best nightspot, past or present?
I'd say any in which the owners/promoters provide(d) an alternative to the norm. To name a couple: Procedure, Tease, showtunes at JR.'s, the Hippo's hip hop night (that's Baltimore, hon), Feint, Hot Boxx and Girl Fridays.

If gay marriage were legal, would you tie the knot?
I'd probably have to wait until my mom lost 20 pounds.

What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?
Double Dutch.

What historical outcome would you change?
The singular dominance of human beings. I mean, beavers are pretty amazing. Imagine a capital city like D.C. made by rodents, instead of overrun with them.

What has been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
I have two from different periods in my life. Adolescence: the moment Madonna's black nightgown strap slipped ever so obviously off her left shoulder in the MTV world premiere of "Like a Prayer" and she left it there half-on/half-off dancing in the wind machine. That moment, especially the wind machine, defined my personal fashion sense for years to come. Adulthood: Donna Karan's interview with Björk. At that moment, I knew Björk wasn't faking it.

On what reality TV show would you fare best?
"Human Tetris." Youtube it.

What item of clothing has been in your closet since high school?
My closet consists almost entirely of other people's high school cast-offs, and I was voted best dressed at my recent 10-year high school reunion. Something to consider, no?

If your life were a book, what would the title be?
"The Tragical-comical-historical-pastoral Life and Times of Squanto and Berdache."

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
I have absolutely no idea, but that would make a really good science fair project. Imagine the diagrams you could use in the name of science!

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
Black. It never goes out of style.

What would you order for your last meal?
Bi bim bop — it gives me that extra special glow — and an artfully crafted Belgian beer.

What would you walk across hot coals for?
Uhm…a Samoan pedicure…no for real, good Korean BBQ, the grand opening of a new thrift store or a 6-foot steel wire/plastic casing speed rope with ball bearing handles.

What gay stereotype annoys you most?
I guess it's actually a gender stereotype, but I hated the "real men don't eat quiche" campaign in the mid-'80s, because quiche is tres yummy! I think I read someone's blog posting about this once, and I just want to get more original-than-thou and say that I started lecturing people about this serious issue when I was 12 and there weren't blogs. Eggs are a great source of protein as well as the source of some forms of life, so we shouldn't disrespect things that come from eggs.

What is the best gay film ever made?
I would have to say either "The Goonies" or something my boyfriend's been in.

What is the most overrated social custom?
Only encouraging hot people to attend social functions. Hot people are quite often boring, rarely buy me drinks and are usually as conventional in the sack as Barbara ...