Mar 09, 2007   | COMMENTS     

Dish doesn’t regularly address the actions of straight women, but since they’re coming out of the woodwork these days, Dish is happy to present the straight women’s edition of Dish.

First, but certainly not foremost, is JENNA BUSH, making her Dish debut. Unfortunately, the circumstances require that the occasion not be a joyous one.

Ms. Bush (Jenna if you’re nasty) is writing a book. On how to get caught drinking underage? Sadly, no. Dish would buy that and give it to all those mongrel children that she hates. No, Ms. Bush is writing a book about HIV.

You read that correctly: H-I-V. For a moment, Dish was confused because to her knowledge, no member of the Bush family has ever acknowledged HIV’s existence or that abstinence isn’t the answer.

But then she realized that Ms. Bush was writing a book for teens about a single teenage mother in Panama who has the disease, and that cleared things right up. What familiar political rhetoric. Focus on the female, the straight, the globally infected. Never mind those gay males in America that Reagan and George H.W. Bush ignored for years. Who’s got time for them? The Bushes have discovered AIDS!  And it’s in Panama!

As it turns out, though, Dish is wrong because Ms. Bush told USA Today that the book was not political. That’s true. Books written by the daughters of world leaders about globally devastating diseases are rarely tinged with the hue of politics.

Ms. Bush also hilariously said that she “very, very modestly” hopes that her book, titled “Ana’s Story: A Journey of Hope” will imitate the influence of Lois Lowry’s “Number the Stars” and Anne Frank’s “The Diary of Anne Frank.” Well, when Jenna Bush “very, very modestly” keeps a diary during a holocaust, perhaps then she can write a book that echoes its impact.

Blond ambition

Speaking of blonds, Dish has two at whose altar she worships. The first is MOTHER THERESA. The second is ANN COULTER.

When Coulter called the editors of National Review — who stopped running her column after a particularly bigoted, hateful tirade — “girly men,” Dish swooned.

When Coulter pointed out that AL GORE was a “total fag,” on MSNBC’s “Hardball,” Dish stood and applauded.

Then this week Coulter implied that JOHN EDWARDS was a faggot. Dish shrieked in ecstasy and threw glitter on herself.

“I was going to have a few comments on … John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’” Coulter said at the Conservative Political Action Conference on March 2.

What Dish finds most interesting is that suddenly, everyone’s reacting. Advertisers are pulling their ads from Coulter’s website, HRC is responding, senators left and right are shouting homophobia and Edwards is using the opportunity to raise money for his presidential campaign.

If people consider Coulter so politically relevant, where were they five years ago when Coulter was using the feminization of men as an insult? Where were they in 2001, 2003 and 2004 when Coulter was saying women shouldn’t vote, couldn’t vote and shouldn’t be in the military?

Her true fans know that Coulter’s homophobic, misogynistic views started when homophobia was still in. Dish hates to think she’s the only loyal Coulter fan left.

Gay for hire

Isaiah Washington has hired himself a gay PR expert, according to gossip site TMZ.com. His new representative is Howard Bragman, who unwisely restricted gay media access to recently out former NBA player John Amaechi while promoting his new book “Man in the Middle.”

Dish hopes Isaiah’s newfound acceptance of gays doesn’t extend to appearing in gay media.