I
thought
I
was
out
of
my
mind
going
to
this
guy’s
house
when
he
told
me
he
had
a
basement
dungeon,
but
my
curiosity
about
the
rough
scene
was
more
than
I
could
take.
He
had
thousands
of
dollars
worth
of,
um,
“equipment.”
It
was
the
best
sex
I
ever
had.
After
our
session,
he
told
me
about
guys
that
don’t
respect
boundaries,
and
don’t
use
proper
safety
procedures.
I
know
his
warnings
were
meant
to
help
me,
but
now
I’m
too
afraid
to
pursue
the
scene.
Ever
since
that
experience,
the
sex
I’m
having
is
just
so
boring,
and
there
are
even
times
where
I
stopped
my
vanilla
partners
and
said,
“Sorry,
I’m
just
not
that
into
it.”
What
should
I
do?
Who
can
I
turn
to?
There
must
be
organizations
out
there.
Ever
heard
of
Google?
Or
calling
up
your
kinky
trick
and
asking
him
for
introductions?
Come
on!
Your
problem
isn’t
a
lack
of
knowledge
or
resources.
You
know
exactly
how
to
find
what
you
want.
The
problem
is
that
what
you
want
scares
the
hell
out
of
you.
It’s
ridiculously
easy
to
hook
up
with
guys
that
want
to
put
your
head
through
a
wall
(safe
word:
“plaster!”).
What’s
not
so
easy
is
to
hook
up
with
a
consciousness
that
says,
“I’m
not
a
freak
for
liking
what
I
like.
I
have
the
right
to
express
my
sexual
desires
with
consenting
adults
in
any
way
I
want.”
Basically,
you’re
coming
out
for
the
second
time.
Remember
how
scary
it
was
to
go
to
your
first
gay
bar?
To
admit
to
yourself
that
you
liked
guys?
To
risk
the
love
of
family
and
friends?
To
take
the
chance
that
the
people
you
care
about
would
abandon
you?
Well,
you’re
going
through
it
again.
Only
this
time
it’s
not
a
closet
you’re
coming
out
of;
it’s
a
dungeon.
Don’t
hate
yourself
for
liking
the
scene.
You’re
afraid
that
what
it
says
about
you
is
diametrically
opposed
to
how
you
think
about
yourself.
Just
like
the
first
time
you
came
out.
So
the
answer
isn’t
so
much
finding
the
right
group
or
the
right
places
as
it
is
abandoning
the
misplaced
judgment
and
the
cruel
self-talk.
Once
you
accept
the
fact
that
there’s
nothing
wrong
with
you,
the
fog
will
lift
and
you’ll
find
plenty
of
people
to
play
with.
Trust
me,
you’re
not
the
only
one
who
wants
to
play
ashtray
to
somebody’s
cigarette.
My
partner
and
I
are
trying
to
add
a
little
more
zing
to
our
sex
life.
Any
suggestions
outside
of
the
usual
bondage
and
spanking
stuff?
Listen,
you
wrote
the
wrong
guy.
My
idea
of
kinky
is
having
sex
with
a
guy
whose
name
I
remember.
So,
I’m
going
to
refer
to
my
late
friend,
Robert
Davolt,
author
of
“Painfully
Obvious.”
Robert
was
to
BDSM
what
Michael
Jackson
is
to
NAMBLA
—
a
recognized
leader.
He
always
suggested
Heat
Play
for
the
bored.
Basically,
you
drip
candle
wax
on
certain
body
parts
or
apply
analgesic
heat
creams
that
athletes
use.
A
couple
of
cautions:
Minimize
wax
burns
and
welts
by
pouring
from
further
away
than
you
think
(say,
8-12
inches
from
the
skin).
This
gives
the
wax
more
time
to
cool
before
it
hits
the
skin,
but
it
also
increases
the
splatter
factor.
Robert
thought
about
all
the
angles,
that’s
why
I
loved
him.
He
also
warned
that
different
colors
and
scents
cause
candles
to
melt
at
different
temperatures,
so
test
it
out
on
yourself
first.
You
can
also
get
some
good
ideas
from
the
book,
“Screw
the
Roses:
Send
Me
The
Thorns.”
The
title
alone
makes
me
want
to
hurt
somebody.
