Oct 10, 2008   | COMMENTS     

Dish is rested, relaxed, back from vacation and grateful to Haggedy Ann for filling in for her. You don’t wanna know what filling in for Ann involves, because Dish, of course, ALWAYS reciprocates, so we’ll just leave it at that.

Though Dish makes her fortune in gossip, it is a little-known fact that her college degree is actually in philosophy. If you “Kant” tell that from my regular posts, it’s usually because I don’t let my “Kierkegaard” down long enough to show it. Ha! Dish cracks herself up sometimes, although her dissertation was serious business.

It was called “If you won’t make a definitive statement about your sexuality, you’re gay.” It got an A+, because when’s the last time you heard a straight person say, “My sexuality isn’t a big deal?” Straight people just own up. Closeted gay people are the ones that get all sweaty under their pink and flannel collars. Like Queen Latifah. In a New York Times article published Oct. 3, she kinda, sorta, not-really addressed the question of her sexual orientation.

“I don’t have a problem discussing the topic of somebody being gay, but I do have a problem discussing my personal life,” says the Queen. “You don’t get that part of me. … I don’t care if people think I’m gay or not. Assume whatever you want. You do it anyway.”

Dildos and Dil-don’ts

Speaking of women who won’t come out, “Lost” actress Michelle Rodriguez has become another high profile actress to raise eyebrows without making any official statements. She was most famously linked in the undies to “Terminator 3” ice queen Kristanna Loken, though only the latter will admit to her Sapphic leanings. Rodriguez, however, is doing her best to make us wonder.

New York Daily news reports that Rodriguez checked into a Florida hotel room with an unidentified female friend last weekend and awoke some of the other residents in a most unusual way. The paper quotes an unnamed guest. “I peeked out and saw it was [Rodriguez]. She’s screaming, ‘Open up, let me in, b———! The source says, “If you don’t open up, you’re not getting your [pleasure toy] back.”

When I was little, playing with my rubber dinosaurs gave me a lot of pleasure. So did my etch-a-sketch. Is there even the slightest chance that that was what Hot Rod was talking about?

Stick with singing

In the above two items, you have examples of celebrities who remain mum on the subject of their sexual orientation. They seem downright refreshing in comparison to Clay Aiken, who shocked no one two weeks ago by coming out as gay and hasn’t seemed to shut up about it since.

In a comment posted to his fan blog, www.aikenforums.com, Clay posted a novel-length opus on the excruciating minutiae of his coming out. Probably meant to appease his long-time homophobe fans who feel betrayed by his coming out, he further explains why he waited so long.

“In my opinion, sexual orientation is ALWAYS a private thing,” Aiken writes. “I think the OVERWHELMING majority of people agree with that. Why in the world should someone’s sexual orientation be a news item? Why should anyone care? ... I waited until the time was right for me. For that I can’t apologize …”

Uhh, Clay? Page Six reported that you sold your baby pictures and “I’m Gay” confession to People Magazine for $500,000. When you choose a life of fame, you have an obligation to the gay community to be truthful about who you are. Otherwise, they’ll never want to bang you.