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By: WOODY MILLER COMMENTS
 
OK, I’ve been through the lectures and read all your articles, but I still have this incredible thing for bareback sex. I know I’m putting myself at great risk, but I just can’t seem to help it.
I used to be very uptight and never play without a condom, but something changed and now I can’t stop going raw. I’m versatile and love to bottom bare. Is there any way to have a safer bareback session? Would douching right after help? Is there medication one could take?
Bareback Addict
Yes, there is a safer way to bareback, if you think a gun with fewer bullets is a “safer” way to play Russian roulette. And you know how to play it, right? You put a gun to your head, squeeze the trigger and hope to God you didn’t get the chamber with the bullet in it.
Douching won’t help; it’ll just make the virus smell like it took a bath before infecting you. The only thing that may help is “The Morning After” cocktail. Basically, you take HIV meds immediately (preferably within 24 hours, but possibly up to 72) after the suspected transmission. A doctor who specializes in HIV can help.
Sounds good, no? Except that you’ll have to spend about $1,000 on a 28-day regimen of pills with such harsh side effects they’ll probably make you puke your guts out.
Wouldn’t it just be easier to put the condom on?
You’re writing because you know that what you’re doing is not in your best interest. You’re writing because you know it’s just a matter of time before you get infected. But mostly you’re writing because you want permission to keep doing what you’re doing.
REQUEST DENIED.
Look, you strike me as somebody who’s genuinely trying to reconcile his behavior with the facts. And the fact is, you are going to be infected with the virus that causes AIDS unless you change the way you have sex.
Half of you understand the consequences of your actions, and half of you rationalizes it away. Yet the second half is totally dominating. It’s like you convinced yourself it’s all or nothing, so you chose nothing. How about a little equal time for “something?”
Negotiate with yourself. Create boundaries. Set goals. If you never use a condom, use them half the time. Ask your partner’s HIV status. If they’re positive and you still want to bareback, don’t do it without knowing their viral load (the lower the load the lower the risk).
Don’t have sex when you’re drunk or high. Make informed decisions. Don’t always have anal sex and don’t always take the load. Buy Michael Shernoff’s book, “Without Condoms: Unprotected Sex, Gay Men and Barebacking.” If you go down the “harm reduction” path, his book is a good place to start.
Just be clear: harm reduction strategies don’t do anything but buy you enough time to get your act together. It’s like reducing the speed limit for reckless drivers from 75 MPH to 55 MPH. It helps, but it’s just a matter of time before they drive off a cliff.
For the record, my heart goes out to you. Whether you’re doing this because you enjoy being a “sexual outlaw,” or don’t like people telling you how to live, or you’re depressed and think you’re life’s not worth protecting, or you simply don’t want to give up the pleasure of going raw, the bottom line is that you’ve chosen a path that you will deeply regret.
Nobody who’s HIV negative ever died thinking, “I should have barebacked more.” And nobody positive ever died thinking, “I’m glad I didn’t use condoms.”
Reach Woody at his new blog: www.mikealvear.com
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