Oct 03, 2008  |  By: SCOTT SODE  | COMMENTS     

I’m not ashamed of my viewing habits, but there is something I’ll only watch when nobody is around: any show on CBS.

This is, after all, the channel that inexplicably made Ray Romano a celebrity when nobody wanted him to be one and is about two channel clicks away from devoting its entire schedule to CSI knockoffs and spinoffs (I eagerly await the day execs add “CSI: Alaska” to the line-up: “it’s just like the original, only colder and we prosecute Russians!”).

While watching a rerun of Emmy-nominated “Two and a Half Men” the other day, I realized that if I were to laugh at a single joke on this immature, predictable, offensive piece of dribble (the No. 1 comedy on television, natch) I would need to somehow devolve, sprout animal fur and walk on my hands. Did Charlie Sheen really deserve another chance and, if so, were the years this show will endure in syndication worth it?

In spite of it all, there are two reasons I secretly continue to tune in to CBS (not including … ahem … “As the World Turns”), and they are rooted in two highly talented (and easily acronymed) actors and their respective series: Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Neil Patrick Harris.

JLD dances through “The New Adventures of Old Christine” (Wednesdays at 8 p.m.) with such comedic precision that she can make you laugh hysterically at the most predictable of pratfalls. Bumping into a garbage can or having “maternity” panties fall to her ankles may not seem as irreverent or self-aware as laugh track-less hip-coms “30 Rock” and “The Office,” but JLD repeatedly proves she’s an old pro who can make you double over the old-fashioned way.

And I’m loving “Christine’s” homo-centric storyline. Taking advantage of California’s same-sex marriage ruling, JLD’s Christine has married best friend Barb (played by the equally talented and underappreciated Wanda Sykes) so that Jamaican-born Barb can stay in the country. The story is incredibly pro-gay and the jokes are hardly at the expense of the gay community (while in line to get a marriage license, Barb wonders aloud if they are making a mockery of the institution of marriage; Christine deadpans that they made a mockery of the institution when they got divorces).

Even Christine’s earnest proposal to Barb, in which she reflects that they’ve been best friends for 20 years and that she can’t live without her, recalls the same basic principle regarding why gays should be allowed to marry in the first place. I had my doubts when I first heard about this storyline, but I should learn to never doubt anything JLD does. With her knack for physical humor, she has proven to be the Lucille Ball of our times. And with Wanda Sykes in tow, she’s finally found her Ethel: perhaps the first wife-and-wife comedy duo in the history of television.

Over on “How I Met Your Mother,” (Mondays at 8:30 p.m.) NPH, who’s gay, shows us what a ball of fire he’s become since his “Doogie Howser” days. His energy as player-in-a-suit Barney Stinson infuses the best-friends-in-New-York comedy with a hot shot of adrenaline. Give him a word (just a simple “awesome” will suffice) and he nails it; give him a scene and he steals it. I have yet to watch an episode of “Mother” where my eyes weren’t glued to his energetic presence, and I’m not just saying that because last season he spent part of an episode half-naked.

He also plays poignancy quite well. This season, as he continues to deal with the feelings he has for his best friend’s ex-girlfriend, he’s wonderfully effective as a tortured, lovesick puppy. I know this is said frequently, but it’s uncanny how well NPH plays alpha male so well (now if only T.R. Knight could be so convincing just playing straight).

So call my television credentials into question, but I’m still sticking with “Christine” and “Mother.” They may not be cool or hip, but they boast two of the most talented actors in the biz. At least I’m not waxing poetic about Charlie Sheen.