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Friday, March 28, 2008
I’m friends with a couple — let’s call them Rick and Eric. We drink, shop, hang out together, talk about boys, all that stuff. Lately, they’ve been arguing and fighting a lot.
Recently, Rick, while intoxicated, approached me in a hallway, ran his finger down my cheek ... to my chest … to my stomach ... and then finally to the Promised Land. He stared into my eyes and gave me that knowing smile. Then he licked his bottom lip ... and walked away.
Eric and I are friends from high school, so we’ve known each other for a long time. He’s leaving for a three-week business trip, and his boyfriend Rick calls me once or twice a day and leaves me messages saying he “can’t wait” to hang out with me while Eric is gone.
I haven’t been out that long. Is this normal for gay friends? Am I supposed to flirt back? Should I get wasted some night this week and do the No-Pants Dance with him? Or should I just respect the boundaries of our friendship and their relationship?
Basically, you’re requesting permission to betray your closest friend. REQUEST DENIED.
But here’s a request I’ll say “yes” to: Go to the nearest hardware store and get your moral compass checked. It’s obviously broken.
When it comes to guys, I’d rather go oral than moral, but we have to make exceptions. There are certain philosophies you should live by.
“If I can’t have a happy home, wreck one” is not one of them.
You know what philosophy you should live by? “Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you.”
So, whenever your sex drive picks a fight with your ethics, put yourself in the shoes of the other person before plowing ahead. How would you like it if a close friend screwed your boyfriend? Your answer should guide your decision.
The most honorable thing you can do is tell “Rick” that even though he makes you harder than Chinese algebra, you’re not going to let him bend you over the rail because you value “Eric’s” friendship too much to do it. And then stay the hell away from him.
Although I love getting head, I dread it when my new boyfriend does it because he uses too much teeth. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but is there a tactful way to tell him he sucks at sucking?
There is no good way to tell somebody they’re rubbish in bed. So don’t. No matter how many compliments you give him on everything else he does right, the only thing he’ll remember (and never forgive you for) is what you said he’s bad at.
It’s always best to tell your partner what you want more of, not what you want less of. Say something like, “I really like it when all I feel is the warmth and softness of your lips and mouth. Can I show you?”
Then go down on him and do it exactly the way you want him to do it. Be sure to ask him if there’s anything he’d like more of and to show you how he wants it. That way, it won’t feel so much like a “lesson” as it will a mutual exchange of pleasure.
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