Sep 19, 2008   | COMMENTS     

Breaking news: Sarah Palin is a fag. Or is she a hypocrite? Dish often mixes up the two, due to a couple of prior bad experiences. But Dish digresses.

The Dipstick Pitbull loves to make a big fuss about being just like the average American. She’s also less than charitable to the gays. But did either of those facts stop her from wearing a $2,500 Valentino jacket for her big speech at the Republican National Convention? No. It did not.

The New York Post’s Page Six reports that Palin actually has a “secret style team” that makes the VP candidate pretty enough to be trustworthy, but not so gorgeous that the evil liberal media will make sexist comments about her makeup skills overwhelming her knowledge of foreign policy.

“I did a little bit of personal styling, but I can’t discuss anything I’ve done with Sarah Palin,” says an anonymous member of her design team quoted by Page Six. “I’m not sure which designs she wore ... anything related to working with her is confidential.”

It is a matter of public record that Valentino is a big ol’ homo. This is probably going to be the closest concession to gay rights we get from the McCain campaign, so let’s enjoy it. We can all envy Valentino when he gets the best bunk at the Palin-mandated compulsory “ex-gay” camp.

Your booty is a wonderland

Does anyone remember that feeling when you were closeted in high school or college and then you found out that someone you knew came out and you got excited about it, but then you took a step back and realized that you wouldn’t have sex with that person if your crotch was on fire and their crotch was a bucket of water?

That’s the feeling Dish had earlier this year when Perez Hilton alleged that illogically popular singer John Mayer was bi or questioning and that the two of them had made out in front of Mayer’s girlfriend, Jessica Simpson. And just when Dish thought it was safe to eat solid food, an even more nauseating piece of information comes ramming itself repeatedly down the pipeline.

Hilton appeared on the Howard Stern show on Tuesday and said he had it on good authority that Mayer was really into anal sex. He’s allegedly been giving it good to Jessica and also indulging in water sports. And not the kind that happen in a swimming pool.

Dish isn’t usually one to ponder the sexual positions celebs favor in their gay bedrooms but let’s just say that based on the faces Mayer makes when he sings, it’s a little hard to imagine Mayer “giving it” to anyone.

Beam me up, homo

While Dish is sometimes known to kid (and not because she loves), occasionally a ray of sunlight hits the blackened lump of Play-Doh where here heart never was. When that happens, she’ll say something nice. And who’s more deserving of a kind word than George “Sulu” Takei?

On Sunday, the “Star Trek” and “Heroes” actor married his longtime partner Brad Altman. The pair had been together for 21 years and, according to the Associated Press, had the gayest wedding in the history of the world.

Apparently they wore white dinner jackets and made their grand entrance to the strains of “One Singular Sensation.”

Dish hears that Ellen and Portia felt so threatened that they commissioned Vera Wang to make flannel bridesmaid dresses and had a cake made out of fish.