Feb 20, 2009  |  By: Michele Zavos  | COMMENTS     

WE HAVE BEEN hearing a lot about marriage lately. There’s the debate of whether and when to push for marriage in the District of Columbia; there’s speculation about which state will be the next to approve marriage for us. There are other debates about whether all of our society’s economic benefits should be tied to couples. 

All of this discussion is important, and as someone aptly said about marriage, “If they have it, I want it!” Yes, we should have marriage. Of course. Yes, we should be fully integrated into this society, everywhere. At bottom, I think that’s what this conversation is about. It’s not about whether we have the benefits of marriage, but whether this society deems us fit for marriage. And really, that’s about whether we are good enough, whether we are accepted for who we are.

If we just look at the benefits side, though, there are ways we can have access to some of the benefits associated with marriage right now. That’s not to say that we can have all the economic and social benefits. Far from it. But, as a practical matter, we do have some.

For example, the District of Columbia has a very significant Domestic Partnership law. It’s not marriage, true, but there are many marriage-like benefits extended by the law at the local level. Domestic partners are treated like spouses for inheritance rights, hospital visitation and income and estate tax purposes. If registered domestic partners end their domestic partnership, their joint assets are subject to equitable distribution, just like a marriage. Soon, as in some other states, children born into a registered domestic partnership will be considered a child of that partnership, again, in many ways, like a child born into a marriage.
 
MARYLAND HAS NOT gone anywhere near as far as D.C. in providing domestic partner benefits, but as of July 1, domestic partners were able to get hospital visitation for each other, make medical decisions for each other and transfer real property to each other without incurring recordation or transfer tax.

There are no domestic partner benefits at all in Virginia yet, but the state’s constitutional amendment against marriage does not prevent couples from preparing estate planning documents in favor of each other.

These kinds of documents are available in D.C. and Maryland as well. They include wills, powers of attorney, final arrangements documents, general powers of attorney and property agreements. And if couples have children together, in D.C. and Maryland, second-parent adoptions can be granted in court. In Virginia, a legal parent can designate a standby guardian, and may be able to enter into a court-ordered joint custody arrangement. 

WITHOUT PREPARING THESE documents, or signing up as domestic partners, in most instances, those of us in couples are considered legal strangers to each other. And if one person is a legal parent of a child a couple is raising, and there is no second-parent adoption, the non-legal parent may end up having no legal rights to the child if the couple separates. There have been some recent decisions in Maryland and Virginia to that effect.

The protections these documents and legal proceedings offer can be obtained right now. Yes, preparing these documents and going to court takes time, energy, attention and money. If we had marriage, getting these benefits would be easier. But our focus on marriage shouldn’t stop us from doing what we can to protect our families right now.